3 Diseases that will ruin your life - part two
It was the craziest thing, and I remember it well after many years. My oldest sister once lived in southern Indiana, where she and her husband ministered at a small church in a tiny town in the rolling hills of the Hoosier state. I remember riding there with mom and dad on the three-hour journey. I loved looking at the sites and even stopping at the gas stations to watch the attendant fill us up and wash the windows.
Yes, those were the good old days when gasoline was about 32 cents a gallon or $2.84 at today’s prices, and attendants did wash your windows and check your oil, transmission fluid, and window washer levels. By the way, making us pump our own gas was supposed to save us money since we no longer needed service station attendants. The motto of the first self-service gas station in California was, “Save five cents, serve yourself, why pay more?” How’s that working for us? New Jersey is still the only state that requires gasoline to be pumped by professionals.
My favorite filling station by far was Sinclair Oil, home of Dino the dinosaur, a huge bright green Brontosaurus, who proudly stood out front smiling. Dino was the star of the 1939 World’s Fair in New York, where the seventy-foot long, happy creature adorned the “Dinoland Pavilion” which was designed to educate people about the origins of fossil fuels. I know fossil fuels aren’t so popular in many circles these days, but I’m not giving up my Dino even if I go electric! Anyway, filling up with gas was a trip highlight for me which gives you a clue as to the excitement in Indiana in those days. Enough of the history lesson, but there will be a test.
Southern Indiana is hilly and beautiful, and on one mount, we always passed a famous mansion that sat majestically upon a rise overlooking the valley. Legend had it that the homeowner was a car lover and built his huge home literally around a beautiful Cadillac. That is dedication to a car. The problem was that he could not get the car out of the house when the home was completed, and it was now a permanent fixture. I cannot verify the veracity of that story, and my father was known to string a good tale on occasion. It must have worked because I still remember it. I always waited in wondrous anticipation for our Chrysler to pass the house on the hill with a car inside.
This story reminds me of something far worse than imprisoning a car. There exists an insidious demon to which a person can cling and build a home around it from which they refuse to exit. People sometimes make choices that end up leaving them inside a house, more like a prison, from which they cannot get out, and the monster, like cancer, invisibly destroys the host from the inside out. The demon is unforgiveness.
There has never lived a human who did not need to exercise the tough but freeing choice to release a wrong suffered. This is a tough decision because we long for justice and sometimes even revenge. It is even worse when the offender refuses to acknowledge their crime against us or that relationship has long since ended, and there is no opportunity for communication.
We are fundamentally flawed and often make choices that feed the most important person in our lives – ourselves. Our self-centeredness causes us to hurt others along the way, sometimes without knowing it and sometimes with full knowledge of what we are doing to someone. Our sense of “we” is overcome by our sense of “I.” The result is not a pretty picture. When we suffer offense, we are left with a life-giving or a life-sucking decision. “Am I willing to forgive this person, or will I harbor resentment as revenge?” When we choose not to let the offense go, the terrible disease can screw up your life perspective, restrain your progress, and fetter other relationships.
It's kind of like taking to raise a cute little bear cub. You feed it and love it, and the creature pleases you. It is so cute and cuddly and satisfying. You think about your little pet a lot, sometimes allowing it to capture all your conscience attention. All the while, the cub is growing into adolescence and finally adulthood. It’s gotten bigger and bigger and wants more and more to eat. One day you come home, and the cuddly cub is now a colossal carnivore, and guess who’s on the menu for lunch? Again, forgiveness withheld is an ugly monster that can ruin your life.
Perhaps that is why the Bible discusses forgiveness at least 158 times from just about every angle. The action of letting go of offenses rendered was a significant theme for Jesus. The Teacher wants us to view forgiving others from the perspective of how God is willing to forgive us. This lens puts into a different light the need and result of offering grace and mercy again and again. Perhaps the most “Godlike” trait we can possess is our ability and willingness to offer pardon.
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” (Matthew 18:35)
Good ole Peter approached the Master one day with a big question. “Lord, how many times am I responsible for offering forgiveness to someone.” I am pretty confident Pete was looking for a steadfast number like the teaching of the religious leaders of the time. This kind of thinking will get one off the hook to continue kindness at some point – perhaps seven times. In typical Jesus’ fashion, the Heavenly Representative proceeded to blow His follower out of the water. “Pete, how about we go for seventy times seven?”
The Teacher also explained that if you want to enjoy a healthy prayer life, before you commence praying, do a gut check, or more appropriately, a forgiveness check. He continued to explain that if you do not extend letting go of an offense, the choice will hinder your relationship with your Heavenly Father. He reminded us that God forgives us more times than we can count. As we experience life, our Everest of offenses keeps growing and growing, yet time and again, the Great Forgiver offers pardon. If you are feeding a grudge, it’s time to go on a fasting diet before it gives you a heart attack.
If we make ourselves constantly aware of God’s daily offer, we will become more in-tune with Jesus’ practical, helpful advice given while dining with a religious leader named Simon. Jesus led with, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” Whenever Jesus tells you He has something to say, listen up; it will be worth your time.
So, this well-known immoral woman had also entered Simon’s home, and she fell apart crying, washing, and kissing Jesus’ feet with her tears and rubbing expensive perfume on His dusty tootsies. Simon’s cronies were moaning that if Jesus were really a prophet, he would know about this woman’s reputation and never allow her access to him. This situation prompted a story. I love listening to people with a good story to make a point.
The Teacher proceeds to remind the host that he had utterly ignored standard hospitality courtesies, which included getting a foot bath. Meanwhile, said immoral woman washed his feet with her own tears and anointed them with rare perfume which she likely could not afford to waste. Obviously, she did not consider perfuming the Lord’s feet a waste. As Simon blushed, the Storyteller proceeded.
The story explained that two men owed the same generous man money. One owed about $750 while the other owed ten times that amount, $7500. Neither could pay their debt at the appointed time, so they begged for mercy, and mercy was given. Both debts were canceled. Which one would love the generous benefactor more? The answer was evident to everyone in the room.
Then the Teacher delivered His host the zinger! “Simon, I am a guest at your home, and you haven’t done diddly squat of the common courtesies extended to any guest. Meanwhile, this kind and hurting woman has taken care of me, and she wasn’t even invited. What’s up with that?”
As Simon and his self-righteous buddies blushed, Jesus set forth a commonsense maxim. A person who knows and understands they have been enormously forgiven loves the forgiver far more than the one who doesn’t think they had that much to forgive in the first place.
God told us to use Him as a model of offering forgiveness, which will make it easier to learn how to forgive others. Pondering this fact will humble you enough to forgive some life-shattering offenses.
Here are some quick thoughts about forgiving.
· Forgiving someone for a criminal offense does not equal getting them off the hook for the consequences of their actions. Forgiveness is about you, not them. If punishment is warranted and exacted, then so be it. But your forgiveness cannot be based upon justice. If it did, you’re in big trouble with God.
· Significant offenses often require revisiting forgiveness many times because we do not have the Godlike ability to forgive entirely in one fell swoop. That is okay; just keep the process ongoing.
· We do not possess the Godlike ability to forget serious offenses. Forgiving and forgetting are not always inclusive. I can forgive you for hurting me, but if it was severe, I will not likely forget. It’s okay not to forget, and it shows great character when you continue to remember an offense and yet forgive it!
· Etch an indelible image in your mind. Jesus has been unlawfully and unjustly arrested and tried, beaten until the flesh hung from his back, crowned with thorns like needles which were two or three inches long, publicly stripped, forced to carry his own execution device, spiked to a wooden cross, publicly hung on it, reviled be nearly everyone present, and willingly took upon Himself the cumulative effects on the historical, present, and future offenses of the entire planet. Some of His final words were . . . . ? (Luke 23:34). The deeper we understand and accept this act of love, the more palatable it will become to forgive even the worst of offenses.
· Don’t bear the burden of unforgiveness alone. It is easier to hold on to grudges when we don’t talk about them. Discuss your issues with a trusted friend and confidant. A burden shared becomes lighter and easier to manage. A friend can aid you in the process of letting go while not judging you for your complicated feelings.
· If you cannot forgive before praying, go ahead and pray anyway. Ask God something like this. “Lord, you know I’ve got issues with ________. This person has hurt me so badly that I just can’t yet let it go. Even thinking about it makes me so angry and anxious. But I do know what is best; I just can’t seem to muster the willpower to do it. I’m going to need your help on this one. Please fill me with whatever spirit filled Jesus on the cross so I can move forward.”
Never give up trying to forgive, for it is the most royal and life-giving of character traits. I don’t believe that I have ever heard someone regret offering forgiveness, but I have, on many occasions, witnessed the terrible consequences of building a house – a prison – from which escape seems impossible. Withholding forgiveness can ruin your life.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
By the way, if you missed it, some of Jesus’ final words were “Father forgive them for they have no idea what they are doing.”
Dear Readers,
This blog, or article, or whatever you call it, is my 104th, meaning I’ve been writing for two years today. Between my weekly articles and my books in progress, I’ve written nearly 450,000 words. I tell you this because this milestone is delightful for me, but also to thank you who read these musings and encouraged me to continue this journey. I hope the words I share provide some small inspiration to keep you moving forward, no matter the hardships you encounter. I desire that you experience at least some baby steps in understanding and practicing the ways of The Master Teacher. God is so kind that He allows you to be the hero of your own story by believing the right truths and choosing the right things. It’s always up to you and we all need a little inspiration along the way.
Thank you!
