3 deadly choices that will wreck your life - part one
Do you remember a few times that you gazed into your past and said to yourself, "Boy, that was stupid! What a waste of time and energy. Why in the world did I do that?" Unfortunately, we all experience those memories since we are commonly very human.
As adults, we are obliged to develop enough self-control to stop ourselves from acquiring inappropriate behaviors that can derail our lives. Most of us have a natural penchant for one or two destructive characteristics, and if we don't keep those foibles on a tight leash, they can lead us to ruin.
This, and my next two posts will highlight three deadly choices that will lead you to ruin.
Unrestricted Anger
"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, . . ." (Proverbs 22:24)
Have you ever opened a bottle of club soda and found yourself wearing most of it while the entire area around you is also covered in the sticky liquid? I've experienced this treat on a few occasions. Club soda is notoriously volatile; when it explodes, it shoots off like a rocket.
Have you ever resembled a shaken bottle of club soda?
We were on our way to Thailand, waiting for a flight in Detroit. We disembarked the plane, and I stayed at the end of the jet bridge for the small case I had gate checked. I was there with another businessman who was waiting for his briefcase. We watched the scissor lift slowly rising inside a metal cage-like box where it would deliver our items. I peered down the chute, anxiously awaiting my case containing my computer, a couple of books and magazines, and a few other things to help pass the time on the next twelve-hour flight to Tokyo.
As is often the case, suitcases had been carelessly tossed onto the shelf, and the man standing next to me noticed that his case was hanging about halfway off the rising shelf. When it came up so far, about to enter the boxed-in area, his briefcase containing his computer got caught between the rack and the frame. He watched in agony for the next few moments as the machine smashed his case and his laptop! By the time it got to us, the briefcase and computer were nearly in two pieces. Needless to say, he was livid.
Meanwhile, I discovered my suitcase was nowhere to be seen. I waited and waited until it was apparent the package was not coming. My temper began to rise like the shelf that was supposed to contain my belongings.
Along with my little group of missionaries from our church, I proceeded to the gate clerk to inquire about the location of my case. Some of our small group were young and had never traveled this far from home, but of course, they were with their pastor, so all would be well. After ten minutes or so, she located my suitcase, which was still on the ground and would now be checked with regular luggage for the remainder of the flight. Baggage handlers had torn off the luggage tag, and now the handlers were not allowed to deliver my bag until we reached our destination. There was a rule about bringing an untagged suitcase into the airport, and I would not receive it, meaning I would be on the next flight overnight without anything to read, listen to, write, or use my computer.
As I "discussed" the matter with the determined gate check lady, my face grew red and hot while my voice volume increased exponentially. We argued for a long while as my team watched Pastor Don go off the rails two hours into a ten-day journey to southeast Asia, and they were stunned.
Finally, since I was obviously not winning this battle, I stomped off, pouting with my little band of followers not far behind. After the steam subsided from exiting my ears, suddenly, my terrible behavior dawned on me and was replaced with remorse. I spent the next half hour or so apologizing to my team, assuring them that this was very unusual for me and that it would not happen again.
I would hereafter quietly be known as Pastor Jekyll/Hyde.
Unrestricted anger can make monsters of us all, and if it becomes a common trait, our lives head down the toilet. Even one uncontrolled angry outburst leaves a lasting impression.
So, what can make you lose your cool? You can tell a lot about someone by what angers them. Anger is not wrong; just its misuse. Even Jesus blew up a few times, but always for the right reasons. You'll find a quick study of what conditions angered Jesus and how He handled it will provide helpful insight for your anger management journey. (Just search the word "anger" on Bible Gateway and read passages from the Gospels about Jesus and anger).
The Mayo Clinic offers ten suggestions to help you corral the anger monster.
1. Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything. Also, allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
2. Once you're calm, express your concerns
As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
3. Get some exercise
Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run. Or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.
4. Take a timeout
Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.
5. Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room make you upset? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening. Or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Also, understand that some things are simply out of your control. Try to be realistic about what you can and cannot change. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.
6. Stick with 'I' statements
Criticizing or placing blame might only increase tension. Instead, use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."
7. Don't hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. Forgiving someone who angered you might help you both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
8. Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
9. Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.
10. Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger can be a challenge at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.
(Mayo Clinic – Healthy Lifestyle – Adult Health, April 14, 2022)
Jesus' brother, James, put it like this. 19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak , and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
(James 1:19-20)
And remember this advice: Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
