you need to unlearn a few things!
Moving forward in life might be more about unlearning than learning. Some of you remember Star Wars. My favorite character in the series was Yoda, and Yoda was a wise and powerful Jedi Master. When teaching young Luke Skywalker, he made this profound statement, "You must unlearn what you have learned."
You start the game of golf without the benefit of instruction, and before you know it - LITERALLY - before you know it, you’ve developed habits that you will have to unlearn if you want to move forward in the game.
You simply do what comes naturally, and you eat what you like. One day you wake up to realize that what you enjoy in those amounts will ultimately make you obese and can kill you.
For many years I ate copious amounts of heavily buttered popcorn almost nightly. I grew up watching my mother eat popcorn every night cooked in bacon grease or lard and lots of sweet, creamy butter. So, at least I can blame my mom! The volume of the fluffy stuff combined with nearly a whole stick of butter added up to about 3,000 calories! That alone is 1,000 calories more than I should consume in a day. It was delicious but unhealthy. When I was a young man, I could get away with that amount of consumption but not as an older adult. I had to unlearn this habit. I still infrequently eat popcorn, but in measured amounts.
Most nights, I either eat nothing or a small handful of nuts or even pepperoni, all measured. I do not sit down with the can of cashews, or before I know it, I’ve consumed most of the can. I remove only what I should eat from the container, given the food I have eaten the rest of the day. I unlearned some of my bad eating habits by recording what I eat each day. Start recording your daily intake, and you might be embarrassed, convicted, and challenged to modify your habits. Unlearning unhealthy eating habits is challenging but possible.
You’ve done this job well for years. You know how to do your job, but not today. Today they changed the rules on you. Now what? If you want to continue to be good at what you do, you’ll have to unlearn what has become a habit. COVID has changed the rules. Need I say more?
Churches are notorious for neglecting positive change and unlearning the “old” way of doing things that no longer reach new generations of believers or the unchurched. I recently attended a very friendly church in a large, beautiful facility in a growing community. Everything was uplifting until the service started. They sang songs from the 1990s, and the computer operator could not keep up with the outdated band. They were usually at least one line behind the verse we were trying to sing. I’m not trying to be mean, but I would not invite an unchurched friend to this church. They are lovely people; they just need to unlearn a few things.
Jesus regularly told people they would need to unlearn certain practices hindering growth. They were to improve their misguided views on prayer, generosity, the Sabbath, the end times, loving their neighbor, and so forth. His guidance was not always well received. In fact, telling them to unlearn their views about the Messiah got Him killed.
A wealthy young man once approached the Teacher and asked what he needed to obtain eternal life. Jesus reeled off several of the “big ten” commandments to which the man retorted that he had kept all those his entire life. He was on the road to heaven until Jesus added one caveat. He told him to sell everything he had, give it to the poor, and follow Jesus. One can see the troubled look on the affluent man’s face. He wasn’t about to give up his riches for anyone or anything. He needed to unlearn a few things.
So, what is holding you back? How do you become aware of those matters, and what do you do about them? Here are some suggestions.
First, keep yourself involved in a growth environment where you are challenged to think in new or different ways. Read new books and magazines. Listen to podcasts and TED talks. Discuss various subjects with people who have different views and listen carefully. If you hang out only with people who share all your opinions on important topics, you will become myopic and irrelevant. To Christians, this includes people of different denominations, religions, political leanings, and world views. You can learn helpful ideas and perspectives from people whom you don’t see eye to eye. You might discover a few matters you need to unlearn.
Second, admit when you need to change. Actually, change is not the best word; it should be improve. Saying, “I’m just this way, and I can’t change,” is a lazy copout. Anyone can improve themselves. Many marriages have failed because one or both parties refuse to grow. Most marriage partners possess unhealthy habits that they must unlearn for a more fulfilling partnership. I’ve heard numerous people tell me that they want and need to spend more time with their families. But when it comes to a choice between career and family, they keep picking career and other activities. (Check out the excellent movie on Netflix called Home Team for a beautiful illustration). As Bob Newhart emphatically stated in an old Saturday Night Live skit where he was a counselor who could cure any problem in one session, he said, “Just stop it!” You have more personal power than you think. And, with the help of God, you can do almost anything.
Third, develop a simple plan to change. Change is not so difficult once you are willing to recognize the need. Decide where you want to be a year from now, study the small changes it would take to get there, and then take baby steps.
Fourth, put yourself into accountability relationships. As Americans, we tend to think that we can “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps” and do whatever we need to do without help. Bunk! Nobody gets anywhere without help. Be humble enough to agree with this fact and enlist people that will help you go where you want to go.
Fifth, don’t give up the long-term goal because of short-term failures. Failure is a fundamental ingredient to success. The marvelous blessing of life is that every day is a “do-over.” Major league baseball players, the best in the world, strike out at least 24% of the time. A good shooting percentage in college basketball is 50%, while a high three-point percentage is only 35%. If you are going to get far, you will get used to short-term failures. Famous comedian Steve Harvey lived in a car for a long time before his success, as did pop singer Jewel.
Sixth, celebrate small victories. Success without celebration is a crime. I developed a “toasting” habit through the years. At many dinners with friends and family, I look at my phone to see the date and time and propose a toast. It’s a pretty good deal to be alive on this date and enjoying cherished relationships, and that is worth a little celebration. Small victories accompany momentous accomplishments. Don’t miss the joy of the journey!
Seventh, keep the process ingrained in you to reproduce it repeatedly. If you identify the process to fulfillment and make it habitual, you can apply the procedure to any endeavor with good results. Through many years of leadership study, I learned that principles and processes are two vital ingredients that apply to any growth situation. Make what you learned to get you where you are ingrained, and you will intuitively apply the formula to any challenge. Changing methods come and go, but principles and processes always remain.
For instance, there is one and only one principle for weight loss. One must consume fewer calories than they burn. It is as simple as that. If you develop a process to abide by that axiom, you will eventually take off pounds. You can perform this personal feat a hundred different ways, with new methods emerging yearly, but the principle remains the same. It is called “calorie deficit.” The trick is to find an eating method that suits you and do it long enough to unlearn old habits.
Some folks disparage growth in their relationship with God. They want to grow but cannot seem to make it happen. Why? Maturity with God requires one main ingredient – faith or trust. Faith is the basis of our relationship with God. No one develops a great relationship with whose faith is not growing. This is the relational principle of spiritual development. But faith in the Almighty does not come naturally, so we need a process to grow our faith. The Bible defines the steps many times.
Pray often and rightly according to the model prayer and dozens of examples in Scripture.
Read, study, meditate on God’s Word, the Bible regularly. The Bible is like a mirror that reveals who we are, who God is, and how we can enjoy His presence and power.
Give generously. It is hard to become close to God if you are stingy and without compassion.
Serve consistently. The Bible book of Ephesians states simply that the path to maturity with God is based on service to others.
To get closer to God, we must unlearn beliefs and practices that hinder the process we must practice to build our faith and trust. The depth of our faith defines the depth of our relationship. When we apply practices we learn from this process, which amounts to obedience, our faith can grow, and we will come to understand, honor, and enjoy being a friend of Jesus.
As with all of these and other aspects of growth, when we unlearn something, we must learn something more helpful and make it part of the processes of our lives.
Woe to those who refuse to unlearn what is now holding them back. If you are not where you want to be in life, you probably have a few things to unlearn. Today is a do-over. Get started!
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
