happy birthday dad!
Today is my father-in-law’s 90th birthday. He’s been around the block a few times!
When I started dating Gail at college, dad was skeptical of me. Though I did not understand it well at the time, I don’t blame him. Hindsight is frequently wiser than foresight. When I was young, I lived the Prodigal life for several years until the destructive lifestyle, and the Holy Spirit got the best of me. God is relentless! I finally got my act together, at least enough to become active in the church, where I matured quickly by serving, reading, and studying the Scriptures small mountains of prayer not only from me but many other faithful people. One by one, I labored to curb my nasty habits, which were right up there with the best of sinners and a challenge to overcome even with God’s help.
I married young, and by the time I went off to Bible College, I was divorced after only about two years of marriage. Though it was mutual, I made more than my share of serious mistakes, causing my ex-wife pain and frustration. It was a gut-wrenching chapter of life that taught me many valuable lessons. How’s come we must do so many stupid things to get wiser and become more respectable people? Were it not for the Holy Spirit and supportive friends and family members; I would have continued a downward spiral.
After a couple of years at Johnson Bible College, now Johnson University, Gail and I started dating. She was smokin’ hot, and I felt lucky to snag her. I definitely married up!
I finally decided it was time to pop the question, so, over the holidays, I stayed at her home in Pennsylvania, sweating the fact that I needed to ask Mr. Nevel before I could ask Gail. Gail would be a breeze, this is called overconfidence, but dad, not so much. Dad was no pushover when it came to his children, especially those beautiful Nevel daughters. Approaching the supreme defender of Gail Nevel would require my best shot at courage. I felt more like the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz.
Most of the details are now obscure, but I finally mustered the chutzpah to ask Paul the big question. I could tell by the look on the guardian’s face that he was not particularly pleased. Excuse my language, but I was thinking, “Oh, shit!” He must have been thinking this divorced hoodlum was trying to corral his angel. “This young wiper-snapper will marry my beloved, get her to quit college and make a mess out of her future.” Dad did not consent.
He did not say, “No,” he just didn’t say “Yes.” He expressed concerns about her schooling and my ability to provide in a manner that would still allow both of us to attend college. I don’t think he was thrilled with his daughter marrying a divorced man either. Things were a little different in those days.
When I was a kid, my mother wanted little Donnie to become a doctor. I considered being a “heart” doctor, but after one semester of algebra, chemistry, and biology, it was evident that the apple of mommies’ eye had better discover another career path.
Gail was in nursing school with the ability to pursue medicine and perhaps even become a doctor. I always felt dad was hoping for this outcome, and this Hoosier could easily stand in the way of his dreams. The critical difference between my pursuit of medicine and Gail’s quest was affectionately called by me, brains, or lack thereof! She had the personal discipline and smarts to do whatever she wanted. I was not inclined towards anything science or math related. Instead, I would pursue leadership and communication endeavors.
Dad may very well have given me consent, but that is not what I took from the discussion. To me, it was a resounding, “No,” you are not going to screw up my daughter’s life. I went back downstairs, and as soon as I got out of sight, I started crying. I was thinking, “Hamilton, you have screwed up your life beyond repair.”
I don’t remember the details, but Gail and I were alone at some point, and she could tell something was wrong. My future bride weaseled the story out of me as tears rolled down my cheeks. I showed her the ring which I had worked so hard to secure, and she launched into an accurate explanation of her father’s response. She explained that dad was not telling me he would disapprove of our marriage, but he was the kind of man that would always weigh the consequences of one’s actions and he needed time to process this decision. He was a little afraid of a yet-to-be-proven young man with a checkered past, but she was sure he would give me a chance which he did.
We married, and the Hoosier he allowed his daughter’s hand enjoyed a fruitful, joy-filled married life for thirty-eight years.
Dad became one of my cheerleaders. He always has good words for me and has never called me on my mistakes demeaningly. He displayed restraint and never interfered with our marriage, family, or career choices when many parents would have unwisely intervened. I am sure the temptation was great at times because we made plenty of mistakes. He knows a thing or two about marriage since he and mom will have been married 70 years in August. This marvelous couple were married three years before I was born!
Paul Nevel is the supreme model of a hard-working, self-sacrificing husband, father, and most importantly, God-fearing man. Dad loves horses, and, in my opinion, any horse-lover is a noble person because, as dad says, “Horses are noble animals.” Like my birth parents, Paul and Betty have shown me how an exemplary wife, husband, and parent walk life’s path. They have not needed to verbally “teach” about these matters; their lives are the lesson.
Dad taught me a lot about carpentry since I worked with him one summer right after college, and he helped me craft finish work on the house Gail and I would later have built. It meant much to me to spend time with him since my birth father had recently passed away, and I was floundering a bit. He understood how it feels to lose your father because he had lost his father years before as well.
I often consider my father-in-law’s ways when making my own decisions concerning my journey. When Gail became ill several years ago, I learned that no matter how old your children get, they are still your “babies” and your love for them only increases as time passes. I’ll never forget the pain on his face through the entire twenty-two months prior to my wife’s passing. I knew that dad would have taken my wife’s illness upon himself in a heartbeat were that possible.
Dad, to me, you are a living legend. You continue to bless your family, friends, and even strangers. But the greatest blessing you bestowed upon me was your daughter, and I am eternally grateful. Happy Birthday!
So, you might be thinking, “Why is Don writing all this personal stuff to such a wide audience?” I am sure that some reading these words did or do not have such a father-in-law, or even a father for that matter. But I tell this story to inspire you to live a dignified, Godly life and, if you are a father-in-law, be a good one! It is within the grasp of every man to be an exemplary husband, father, and father-in-law. My father-in-law is the embodiment of Micah 6:8.
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Dad is a “common man” if you will. He will likely not be noted in history books for accomplishing some great feat. Yet, wherein lies true greatness? Perhaps it is indeed the person who adheres to Micah’s wisdom. As such, Paul has personally affected thousands in his personal life and hundreds of thousands through his offspring. He is, as my favorite President stated, “The Man in the Arena.” If you attain half the quality of Paul Nevel, you will do well.
Happy Birthday Dad, and on behalf of myself and all those thousands of people, thank you!
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
