“Why don’t they have Father’s Day sales? Because Fathers are priceless.”

Tomorrow, we will celebrate one of the grandest of all holidays – Father’s Day. This particular day set aside for dads was initially a response to Mother’s Day. Sonora Smart Dodd, of Spokane, Washington, thought, why should moms get all the glory? And the commemoration was born in 1910. I like that woman!

Father’s Day is the fifth largest card-sending day of the year, with only about half of the cards coming from sons and daughters. Americans also spend around one billion dollars on gifts, so I’m expecting some pretty sweet stuff from my kids.

Men initially scoffed at the holiday as being too sappy and sentimental. That is why the holiday is marked with corny dad jokes representing the sometimes less-than-bright ideas of fathers. What dummy turns down a chance to receive gifts, accolades, and permission to take a nap?  Not me, I’ll tell you. Just ask my daughters.

I was blessed to have a great dad who, like most, taught me many wise things, mostly politically incorrect or gross. There was a time when we enjoyed something called freedom of speech, and my dad had no trouble exercising his rights. (How’s that for politically incorrect?)

I took a short while to research some dad jokes representing valuable lessons for all of us. I hope you enjoy it.

·      Many fathers are known for their frugality, which is code for cheap.

Teacher: If you had $1 and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Baylor: One.
Teacher: You don’t know your arithmetic.
Baylor: You don’t know my father.

Submitted by Taylor T., Eden, North Carolina

The wise use of our always-limited funds is an excellent thing to learn early in life, and good fathers teach this lesson. However, dads are often proficient at “selective frugality,” which means that if they want to spend cash on something, it is a need. If you want to spend the same amount on something you want, it is called wasteful spending.

·      Fathers understand the value of time and competition, even if the one they are competing against is themselves.

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When a dad sits in the driver’s seat for an extended journey, two things are bound to happen.

1.)  Children will drive him nuts. It is their job and God-given right. Though I was usually an angel on long trips, I occasionally acted like a typical seven-year-old boy getting more antsy by the minute, ultimately causing me to annoy every passenger in the vehicle. Finally, my father performed the “reach around.” He resembled that little girl in The Exorcist whose head could spin in a full circle. Dad’s angry face could not only turn completely to face the back seat, but his arm could reach any location in the car. I learned how to play dodgeball in the back seat of our Chrysler. Then came the ultimatum. “If you don’t sit still and shut up, I’m gonna stop this car and yank you out of it, and you’re going to wish you had shut up!”

2.)  Getting to the destination ten hours from home was always a competition. The timing gods were always watching, and my father knew he could beat his last time for this trip. This meant there was no time for potty breaks, and no one would eat for the duration. His eyes looked wild as he artfully dodged every cop while traveling near the speed of sound.

·      Fathers understand the value of education.

Though Dad was highly successful, he had only completed the ninth grade, something you could get away with in those days. This meant that Donnie would complete high school or die first. It was my choice. I finished high school.

Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!

Submitted by Michael H., Canton, Ohio

·      Dads know the value of youthfulness but understand it is fleeting.

 My father suffered several major illnesses as he aged. Emphysema finally took his life. In his later years, it took him well over an hour to prepare for his day. He called the process “Putting himself together.” His hair thinned, he was skinny as a rail, and he could barely walk across a room without stopping for breath. His morning included installing contact lenses, drinking plenty of coffee, and ingesting a barrage of medicines. It was a bit of a sad sight. But he always ended up with a smile and a laugh! I learned a lot from viewing that sight daily.

Now I’m older and awaken most days to some new pain in a part of my body I didn’t know existed. I take a barrage of medicines and drink two cups of coffee. Most days, I smile and find something humorous in the human condition. Thanks, Dad! It helps.

·      My dad taught me how to treat my wife well.

Unfortunately, not every man is what we would label “a good husband.” I’m sorry if that was the case for you. I was lucky. My father was a good husband. He treated my mother with respect, was romantic and caring, and liked doing things for her. My folks were together well over forty years, and only until death did they part. Mom and Dad taught me how to enjoy a good marriage, and I am eternally grateful.

“Father’s Day is important because besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year Brookstone does any business.”  Jimmy Fallon

My dad loved gadgets, and so do I. Thank you, Brookstone.

Mark Twain once stated, “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant. I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

The world needs good fathers, be one to somebody even if not by blood.

Happy Father’s Day, Dads.

Live Inspired!

Don Mark