the “i can’t” factor. Get over it.

I just ordered new ski bibs. Overalls designed for skiing are some of the ugliest pieces of apparel known to humanity, but they are beneficial for swishing down a mountainside on thin slices of fiberglass. I'm taking to the slopes for the first time in years because I yearn to feel the exhilaration of gliding down a snow-covered mountain in bone-chilling weather. I'll be out west where there is snow like powder and incredible vistas. Not to mention that when I fall, which I will, it will be a much longer slide down the mountain on my butt, which is fun. Though I was never a great skier, the graceful pursuit is one of my favorite sports. Not that I ever looked elegant, but we won't talk about that. Some say I'm too old and out of shape for such an endeavor. I say that I would rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead.

 I've never been an afficionado of the word "can't." Can't never did anything fun or challenging. Can't never won a Superbowl or national championship. Can't never walked on the moon or climbed Mount Everest. Can't didn't find a better job or receive a degree. Can't didn't start a new business or write a book. Can't never lost twenty pounds, stopped smoking, became a better spouse, learned a new language, adopted or fostered a child, battled cancer, or built a new house. The weak perspective never recovered from personal loss, gave generously to a cause, volunteered for a local charity, ran for office, or joined the Army. This helpless approach couldn't overcome depression, change career paths, take an employment break to raise a family, move to a foreign country, break a bad habit, start a blog, or stop drinking too much. Can't doesn't coach Little League, purchase a house, build a house, care for an older adult, or learn to teach online with excellence. This ineffectual way of thinking never stops whining, and it does not make a difference in someone's life. And, I might add that scientists who invented the new COVID-19 vaccines do not live by the mantra, "We can't."

 I assume you get my point.

 So, am I so naïve as to think that there are indeed things I, or you, cannot do?  No, I am not. There are many endeavors that you cannot and will not accomplish. But, according to numerous studies, near the end of our lives, we tend to regret more things that we did not do than things we tried. If the word "can't" is a prominent factor in your forward progress, you are likely creating regrets. Here are some suggestions for overcoming the "I cannot do it" syndrome.

 Choose your "can't" wisely. Don't worry about "cant's" that you cannot change, or ones that don't matter. As mentioned earlier, there are indeed exploits you cannot do. However, if you waste time thinking about what you cannot do, you are forfeiting time to pursue activities you can do. For every pursuit that evades you, there are probably ten that are doable.

 As an adult in my mid-sixties, there are several physical activities beyond my grasp. I used to run long distances frequently, but no more.  The joints can't handle it. But I can walk and hike and ski! I also worked out with weights most of my life, but now my strength fails me. I picked things up, and I put them down! I can, however, lift lesser amounts and stay in shape.

 Let go of former "can't." Do not let past experience define your future. So, you didn't finish college; what is holding you back now? You always wanted to play the guitar, but you didn't. Guess what, they still make guitars, and it is easier than ever to take lessons online. I'll even loan you one of my guitars! (First come, first served, mind you.)

 A few weeks ago, I baptized a good friend in his daughter's hot tub. I've known Bump for nearly forty years, and he had agonized over this decision numerous times.  He always found some good reason why he couldn't go into the water. One-day recently, he called his daughter and asked her to arrange a day and time for me to baptize him. It was finally time. My friend is seventy-six years old. It was time to relinquish the former "I can't." The freedom of letting go opened new joy-filled pages to his life. He now senses more security with his Maker.

 Several months ago, I sat down on my couch one evening and called a relative with whom I had not talked in many years. There was a falling-out between us, and I had never found the courage and reached out. As we spoke, the wash of peace that filled my soul was terrific. No more, "I can't make the call," for me. The invisible barrier I had built between us came tumbling down like the Berlin Wall.

 Refine your "can't."  "Cannot" has a sibling called, "I'll never." If you think that you will "never" reach a goal, you need to make one of two decisions.  1.) "This is not, or is no longer, a goal I desire, so I need to let go of it." We grow out of some goals. However, because we have made significant investments in a pursuit, we consider ourselves failures because we did not finish. I've known numerous people who attended a year or two of college only to quit. These folks then consider their "diploma-less" college experience as a waste of time and money. This conclusion is not accurate. If you allow it, every episode counts. We gain experience, which is indeed the best teacher. View unreached goals as stepping-stones. Don't waste anything. 2). This goal requires more time and energy. Be patient.  Keep working towards it. As I have stated in previous blogs, anything worth doing requires more time, energy, and money than expected.

 Last year, I intended to travel to Europe, India, and South America. None of those journeys materialized. The pandemic has left most of us with unfinished business.  Some of you are probably still waiting to get married!  There is an old saying that goes like this. "God never closes a door without opening a window."

 I was reading today in the Bible Book of Acts, which details the early church's expansion throughout the Roman empire. The great Apostle Paul traveled throughout much of Asia minor starting new churches.  On two different occasions, Paul desired to visit particular cities in that region, but God blocked his progress.  We do not know precisely how roadblocks happened, but we know that Paul had a dream of going to Macedonia instead.  He took the vision at face value and started speaking in this region.

Meanwhile, Paul had bypassed cities in which he would later have successful ministries. Paul instead preached in influential towns, which became centers for the expansion of Christianity.  The time to expand in Macedonia was "now," and parts of Asia were later. What you cannot have today indeed makes it so much sweeter when you receive it tomorrow.

 Often, the "I can't" of today does not mean "I'll never," but rather, "Not right now."

 I do not have the physical stamina to ski all day, so I'll purchase a half-day pass. Since I cannot ski all day, I'm looking on the bright side, which means that the rest of the day I'll be sitting next to the warm fireplace sipping a hot beverage.  Not a bad trade-off, I'd say.

 Don't let the phrase "I can't" control your life to the point of mediocrity and fear.