sh . . happens. what will you do with it?
Life is about transitions, isn't it? Over the past few months, I've shifted from being a local church pastor to become a writer. Within the past two years, I've morphed from being married to living the life of a widower. In recent years I changed from being a hip, young dude (just kidding) to a grandpa. I've also learned how to preach while wearing a mask, and I've suffered an entire year without international travel! I'm sure you can think of several changes that have taken place in your life recently.
Many transitions are complicated, and they all require adjustment. I often counseled couples preparing for a marriage that one of the most dangerous times for their future relationship would be when they inadequately prepare for new chapters.
Indeed, the most challenging transition is when we lose a loved one. Hundreds of thousands are presently experiencing this kind of personal loss. COVID-19 has forced millions into a myriad of changes.
There is a critical life-principle involved with any transition. The more we give to something or someone, the more we get out of it. But also, the more we struggle when it's time to turn the page to the next chapter, the more we grow.
I guess some folks never give too much, so they never know the pain of transition. A marriage that you never really worked to make great; a one-sided friendship; a job that you never did your best; a church family to which you never fully committed; a life of mediocrity. Transitions are not so tricky when little has been invested in processing them.
Yet, it is better to know the pain of passage than never to have known the joy of outpouring oneself. Jesus frequently discussed this matter. He said that it is better to die to yourself than to live half-heartedly. He said, "He who dies to himself will live." Really, truly live.
You are taking the time to read this article because you are among those who give entirely to various endeavors. You are continually trying to improve yourself. I have bad news. Your good character will give cause for much sorrow and struggle in life. Life presents the need for many changes, and with each new page comes adjustment. If you have heavily invested in your previous life, the new one will be challenging. But it will also be rewarding. Here are some transition suggestions to consider.
Do your best to emotionally and physically prepare for an upcoming change. Whether the forthcoming page of your life is considered good or bad, the benefit of foreknowledge is the ability to prepare.
I recently lost a good friend after a long bout with cancer. She and I had several discussions about how she was preparing for her passing. But more importantly to her were the lives of her loved ones that would be left behind to transition. She couldn't cover all the bases, but she did her best to prepare for many changes in her absence.
During my wife's terminal illness, Gail and I had many difficult discussions about everything from me becoming both father and mother to my children, all the way down to passwords on her computer. Those talks sucked! But they were needed, and the conversations made my life easier when she was gone.
Even good transitions can turn sour when there is no forethought. You have finally found the perfect job. You were so fed-up with the former way of living, and now an opportunity has presented itself for a fresh start. However, you did not consider that this commute would be forty-five minutes versus the old drive to work which was ten minutes. The exciting new job means that you just removed over an hour from your "home time" each day. Now, the kids are home alone longer. Dinner is an hour later. You are more tired from enduring a long commute. Your bedtime just got later, while you must rise an hour earlier. In the long run, it's all good, but the transition is more complicated and consequential than you expected.
Newly married couples typically experience this shock. They say that love covers a multitude of sins, but it does not cover snoring and leaving the lid up on the toilet. People who have lived alone for extended periods have developed many habits. Habits they like! Love is a marvelous thing, but it does not eliminate the multitude of changes that take place when two people now live together. Arguments ensue. It would have been beneficial to look more deeply into one another's daily lives. Awareness allows for a plan. Take advantage of the opportunity to prepare. You'll be better for doing so.
Transition takes longer and costs more than you expect. I've led large groups through many significant endeavors. Through the years, I learned an axiom about forward movement. It always takes longer than you thought it would take, it requires twice the work you thought it would be, and it cost more than you thought it would cost.
If you've lost a loved one, it might take years to "get over it." That is okay. I repeat, that is entirely acceptable. If you loved deeply, you grieve deeply. No one can ever replace the vacuum of a loved one in your heart. That is as it should be. In the early stages, you might feel paralyzed. Sometimes we think that the immediate feelings of loss we experience should never cease because we want to honor our loved one. We get stuck. However, the best way to honor someone, living or deceased, is to move forward utilizing the tools of life they shared with you and modeled for you. The transition is long and arduous, but it will prove fruitful. Who wants to think that they physically died and then several loved ones, in essence, died with them, even when they did not?
Excuse my language, but "sh - - happens." You cannot prepare for every twist and turn in life. Several years ago, I hosted a service team who visited Bangkok, Thailand. Along the way, we also visited Tokyo and also spent a couple of days in Hong Kong. I have a very well-traveled friend. He helped us arrange the trip, and he also gave me some sage advice. Seth told us that the unexpected would happen if we travel internationally – not might but will! When it does, we could get angry, fearful, and upset, which is no fun. But we could also react in another manner. He instructed us to consider the surprise as an adventure. "It's all part of the adventure," he wisely advised.
When we arrived in Macaw on our way to Hong Kong, everything fell apart. Some of us had trouble getting through customs. We needed money to take a bus to the Hong Kong ferry, but none of us had any required currency. We had no idea where we were going to get on the ferry. "Sh - - happened!"
In those moments, I had a choice as a leader. I could get upset and angry, or I could take the advice of my wise friend. "This is part of the adventure," I said to myself.
We finally got out to the bus departure area, but we had no idea which bus to board. A young man standing nearby heard our discussion. He approached me and offered to help. This Good Samaritan spoke both languages and was knowledgeable about the bus/ferry system. He proceeded to get us onto a bus, but we had one problem. We had no currency to give the bus driver. He was about to remove us from the bus when this young man stood up. He shouted to the entire bus ridership about our problem. I don't know what he said, but I know that he took up an offering from everyone on the bus and then paid the driver for all of our fares! The driver grumbled but relented. This young man then escorted us off the bus to the correct ferry and explained how to board the ferry. We ended up at our hotel in Hong Kong. Wahla!
I've traveled all over the world, and I still use the wisdom of my friend. It's an adventure! Life happens. Sometimes you must transition with agility. Allow yourself to be adaptable and don't conclude that the world had ended because life had dealt you an unexpected hand. Play the hand you are dealt and get on with it. Smile along the way. Your incredible experience will one day make a great story.
Life is an adventure. Sometimes sad and sometimes joyful. There will be many twists and turns. As that old sage, Jimmy Buffet sings, "Roll with the punches. Learn to play all of your hunches. Make the best of whatever comes your way. Forget that blind ambition and learn to trust your intuition; plowing straight ahead come what may."
