Distrust Differently ™
Have you ever met someone for the first time or encountered them a few times and walked away thinking I don’t trust this person. Have you ever been “burned” by someone so much that they forfeit your trust, and you cannot find a way to recover it?
I’m betting we would have to say “Yes” to these questions. Distrust is a natural part of our psyche. We usually frame this state of mind negatively, but is that the best way to consider distrust?
We live in a culture of distrust. Companies are fraught with departments filled with people who do not trust one another, which makes work environments miserable. Media outlets promote distrust as the norm. Politicians lie or exaggerate their capabilities as part of their modus operandum, companies lie about their products and services, and religious leaders hide their true selves from their congregations. Sometimes, a commentary on our society sounds like a spy movie where one operator says to another, “Don’t trust anyone.”
We all know these unhealthy conditions exist, but what can we do about it? Can we somehow reframe our views on trust and distrust in a healthier manner? The answer is yes.
Based upon years of research, my nephew and close friend, Joseph Myers, has written a book about the subject, which has quickly become popular since solves the trust/distrust issue. Trust Me – Discovering Trust in a Culture of Distrust is a truly helpful work that can change how you understand the balance between trust and distrust.
I’ve asked Joseph to write an article for my weekly blog, giving us an overview of the material found in his book. I think you will find it helpful, and if you do, I suggest you get the book and read it. Companies across America are now using this material to improve the culture of their work environment. I think you will find it helpful as well. You can find the book on Amazon.
The Key to Trust is to
Distrust Differently™
Trust and distrust play leading roles in the intricate dance of human interactions, guiding our decisions and emotions with a complexity that science is only beginning to unravel. Central to this exploration is the understanding that trust and distrust are processed in different areas of the brain: trust in the prefrontal cortex and distrust in the amygdala. Simply, we decide to trust and we feel distrust. This distinction is not just a footnote in neuroscience; it's a cornerstone in the architecture of our relationships and organizational cultures.
The Neuroscience of Trust and Distrust
The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, reasoning, and social interactions, orchestrates our capacity to trust. It evaluates information, weighs risks, and considers the potential benefits of extending trust to others. Trust, in this light, emerges as a calculated decision, a leap of faith grounded in cognitive processes.
Conversely, the amygdala, often associated with emotional responses, including fear and aggression, is the crucible for distrust. This feeling, rooted in our most primal survival instincts, serves as an alarm system, cautioning us against potential threats and betrayals. Distrust is not just an absence of trust but a visceral fight-flight-freeze response to perceived danger.
Distrusting Differently: A Path to Trust
The revelation that we decide to trust and feel distrust introduces a transformative approach to building trust: learning to "Distrust Differently." This concept advocates for a nuanced understanding and engagement with our instinctual distrust, harnessing it not as a barrier to relationships, but as a navigational tool guiding us towards more informed and resilient trust.
Recognizing distrust as a natural and valuable sentiment allows us to engage with it critically and constructively. By examining the triggers and contexts that evoke distrust, we can discern between unfounded fears and legitimate concerns, recalibrating our emotional responses to align more closely with reality and reason.
The Strategic Advantage of Embracing Distrust
This sophisticated engagement with distrust offers a strategic advantage in personal and professional realms. For instance, leaders who understand the dual processes of trust and distrust can focus first on the triggers that encourage distrust. When triggered reactions emerge, a leader can evaluate the trigger reaction, not the reaction's content.
The amygdala has two personalities: guard dog and guide dog. The guard dog is the manifestation of the flight-fight-freeze reaction. There are times when this is the appropriate response. However, the guard dog’s protection is often an overreaction to the situation. A good leader encourages the amygdala’s response to act more as a guiding force through the perceived risk.
Understanding how distrust responds paves the way for a more genuine and sustainable trust, one that acknowledges the complexities of human nature and the intricacies of interpersonal dynamics.
Moreover, by embracing the concept of distrusting differently, organizations can cultivate environments where innovation thrives. Teams are encouraged to question assumptions and explore new ideas, knowing that skepticism is not only accepted but valued as a catalyst for growth and improvement.
Implementing a New Paradigm
To implement this paradigm, individuals and organizations must first acknowledge the natural coexistence of trust and distrust within all of us. Next, we focus on the individual triggers that cause undo reactions and identify a tool that can quickly press pause on our amygdala reaction. Sharing and discussing our personal triggers gives insight into how we can communicate within our team.
Leaders play a critical role in modeling this behavior, demonstrating how to engage with distrust in a way that informs rather than impedes trust. Leaders can encourage a deeper, more nuanced approach to building trust by fostering an environment where different perspectives are explored and valued without the rage of triggering someone’s guard dog protector.
Conclusion: Trust Through Understanding Distrust
The journey towards building stronger, more resilient trust begins with a profound understanding of how we distrust differently. "Simply, we decide to trust and we feel distrust." This insight does not diminish the importance of trust; rather, it elevates our understanding of its complexity and its counterpart, distrust.
By learning to distrust differently, we pave the way for more informed, deliberate decisions to trust. This approach does not guarantee the absence of betrayal or disappointment; instead, it offers a more robust framework for navigating the inevitable uncertainties of human relationships. In doing so, we open the door to deeper connections, stronger teams, and more successful organizations, where trust and distrust coexist not as enemies, but as allies in the pursuit of excellence and authenticity.
Joseph Myers
I would like to thank Joseph for sharing this information with us. I hope you have found it enriching.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
