all the lonely people part two
Loneliness is part of Christmas. It is a fog that envelopes our being and leaves us feeling abandoned. Based upon recent studies, typical Christmas blues have multiplied many times because the pandemic has isolated so many. We become lonely when significant characters in our story are not present with us.
Last Sunday was my mother’s birthday. Although mom journeyed to meet the Lord many years ago, I still miss her. Though I’ve learned to make Wheaties cookies, they are never as delicious as moms.’ I recently visited one of my favorite places, Longwood Gardens. The Christmas beauty of the estate is like walking through a dreamy wonderland. This year, one twenty-five-foot Christmas tree was revolving just like the one my father, the inventor, created when I was a kid. I miss dad. A couple of days ago, I listened to one of my favorite Christmas groups, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. A TSO concert is an extravaganza for the senses. But on December 16th, the music made me cry. At the start of one of our favorite holiday events, my wife learned she had pancreatic cancer. The show went on, and so did we, but now Gail is rocking around the Christmas tree in heaven. When I go to bed at night and wake up in the morning, the other side of the bed is empty. Sometimes, so am I. This is loneliness.
Last week I offered a few suggestions for navigating the sea of solitude. First, own it. Everyone gets lonely. Don’t allow yourself to feel like a loser because you are lonesome. Second, remind yourself that God is with you. The presence of Christ is indeed the miracle of Christmas. Immanuel means that God is always with you. Thirdly, if you are a follower of Jesus, He is in you. The Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead now dwells inside of you. He will guide, counsel, and comfort you. In the quiet, listen for His still, small voice. Watch for His work all around you. He never stops.
Fourthly, not only is God with you and in you, He will work through you. We are presently waiting for what we hope will be the cure to a world crisis. We pray that a vaccine will stop the virus dead in its’ tracks. You will discover the vaccine for sadness when you allow God to work through you.
Joseph and Mary found themselves alone. A government mandate forced them to a place where they had no family or friends. It gets worse. My father-in-law owns a farm with a beautiful red barn. There are horse stalls in the lower level, and though the equine home has a certain beauty, the reality is that it smells terrible. It is cold, dark, and damp. I cannot imagine walking into one of the horse stalls to find a pregnant teenage girl lying in the straw giving birth. How lonely is that! This young couple had every reason to feel nothing but abandonment as they heard the lowing of cattle. Yet, amidst this secluded scene, God was doing some of His best work. The cattle stall in Bethlehem was not a dead-end street. It was a new beginning. Your season of wilderness wandering may be the soil out of which new life erupts. With God, the only way to lose is to quit.
Loneliness causes us to be self-focused. Since I retired earlier this year, I spend much time alone. Leading a large church causes one to be in the company of many people. Too much “me” time can lead to a feeling of uselessness. This can lead to self-doubt. So, I write, and I publish my craft. While I am writing this article, I am thinking of you, yes you! I am not thinking of me. I want to help people, and if my words do so, I will create reading material. And that is the secret. Thinking of you, instead of thinking about me, makes me happy and fulfilled. Lose the “woe is me” Eor-attitude by caring about others. Write a note, make a call, send a letter, give some Facebook encouragement, send a text, bake some cookies, shovel a drive, invite a friend over for dinner. When you lift others, you will rise with them.
Shut down the stinkin-thinkin. Isolation can cause us to feed ourselves a steady diet of negative thoughts. Listen to these words from an article by Therese J. Borchard. “According to Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman, words can literally change your brain. In their book, Words Can Change Your Brain, they write: “a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.” The article explains that the positive language we feed ourselves altars the frontal lobe of our brain and creates resiliency and corresponding action. The Proverb writer explained that as a person thinks in their heart, so they are. If you feed yourself rubbish, you’ll feel like trash.
I like to organize things. My spice storage is a lazy Susan style cabinet. Every spice sits on the edge of the rack, label facing outward. It is easy to locate whatever spice I need. Okay, so I’m crazy. But it sure makes me feel good every time I open the door. I like things organized. I also like to clean. I watch shows that make me laugh before I go to bed. I want to fall into slumber with a smile on my face. I enjoy uplifting books and articles. I extract peace and wisdom from the Bible.
So, what do you like? What makes you happy? What brings you joy? Whenever you are lonely, get out of bed or off of the couch and do something life-giving.
And remember, God is always right there with you.
