a father’s legacy
In early December, my oldest birth daughter will marry a fine young man with three children. Yes, I'll have three new opportunities to buy Christmas gifts for grandchildren and another son-in-law. I can't wait! I'm still surprised at how much I like being Pops. I don't think of myself as a "grandfatherly" age, but I guess I'm deluded. I don't plan to grow old. As the song-writing sage, Jimmy Buffett sings,
I'm growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead
Last week, my daughter spent the evening with me. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner out and then sat on the deck and chatted over drinks and a fine cigar. The main reason she wanted to visit was to ask me to officiate her wedding ceremony. Of course, I am honored to do so.
During our discussion, I was reminded of my role in my children's lives. Andrea had written a catalogue of characteristics she gleaned from my example. The influence I've had in her life is humbling, and my tears flowed freely. She had written herself a list of reminders on her phone, which she later sent me. Here are a few life lessons my daughter learned from her dad.
She started by telling me that she wanted to dance our father/daughter dance to a Neil Young song that I love. The choruses go like this:
… Old man, look at my life
I'm a lot like you were
Old man, look at my life
I'm a lot like you were
… Old man, take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that's true
In this case, she called me the "Old Man" in an endearing fashion as occasionally I called my father the same. My dad used to say to me, "Your old man thinks . . . "
The dance will be joyful and adorned by tears.
She also gave me a t-shirt with one of my favorite movie logos on the front – The Godfather. Instead of "Godfather," this one says, "The Bridefather." I got a great laugh from that. I guess her new man gave her a deal she couldn't refuse.
There is a hilarious contemporary Progressive Insurance commercial in which a counselor provides a service to help thirty-somethings not become like their parents. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTs6UY1G9wM But, the inevitable happens, and we indeed unconsciously adopt some of our parent's characteristics. In some ways, that can be a good thing. Perhaps others, not so good.
I like things in my home and office very organized and neat. I also like my kitchen counters spot-free. Andrea used to remind me of the Tasmanian Devil. Everywhere she went in the house, there was a mess in her wake. Not so these days. She humbly admitted that she is becoming like her father; organized, neat, and clean. No dirty dishes are lying in the sink. Hallelujah! I hope her new husband appreciates me for that.
I love to design and decorate the interior of my home, and I am told that I am reasonably good at it. My wife used to say that I was far more interested in those matters than her, and she appreciated it. All my daughters seem to have inherited this trait. They make their surroundings beautiful. Andrea is looking forward to decorating her new home. As she said, “Environment matters.”
My daughters love adventure and travel. They have all visited many places in the world and served many struggling people in developing countries. She told me that she got my penchant for trying new restaurants, vacation spots, and adventures in general. Life is too short to be bored.
My daughter writes and journals about her life, something she has watched me do for years in my "altar" chair in the living room. My kids will learn much about who I really am from my musings. They will also behold what I felt was important enough to take to God in prayer since many of my entries are prayers.
Two of my love languages are "quality time" and "touch." She must have picked those up from me as well. It is good to know your love language and the language of the one you love. You can become a much better spouse if you understand and feed what makes them tick.
All my children love classic rock. Thank you, Jesus!
There's nothing like purchasing something you don't need at TJ Maxx or Marshall's just because it's a good deal.
Andrea is well-known for her fashion sense. She likes to be well-dressed, something inherited from her mother and father, I suppose. In fact, all my daughters follow suit.
My daughter is the Global Director for a large church planting organization. She has a heart for international missions and understands the importance of a world perspective of the big "C" Church. She has traveled extensively for this cause and helped raise thousands of dollars for global endeavors. One of my most important legacies is that I helped my daughters have a broad, well-informed worldview and that the USA is not the center of the universe – though it is a wonderful place to be.
My protégé continued.
She learned to lead relationally rather than programmatically, legalistically, or project focused. People come first and give their best performance in a healthy relational atmosphere. This is true at home or work. I'm so pleased she picked this up.
Giving oneself to longstanding friendships is one of the most rewarding efforts in life. Deep friendships matter, and one can cultivate more of them than is often thought.
One entry simply states: Family Matters. Need I say more.
Her final entry is the one that brings me the most joy and humble pride – if that is possible.
She wrote, "Above all Jesus matters, nothing else comes close."
If I had done nothing else for my family, I would have been successful in having each of them make that statement about their beliefs and priorities. I am abundantly blessed.
My wife will only attend this ceremony in spirit. She will display her beautiful smile from heaven, and I know that my daughter will see it. Andrea could write an even longer list of quality characteristics she gleaned from her mother.
Perhaps in some ways, it's not so bad that we become like our parents.
If you are a parent, grandparent, or guardian of watching eyes, take care to consider what those eyes are seeing.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
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