Transitions Friend or Foe you get to choose
Life is about transitions, isn’t it?
A few weeks ago, my grandchildren transitioned from doing schoolwork online to attending live classes again. Like many children, they had long since become weary of online instruction. Education without face-to-face interaction is challenging. The grandkids are happy to once again be together with friends and classmates. At the same time, they experienced nervousness about the move. Transitions are often fulfilling and scary at the same time.
In a couple of months, one of my daughters will be getting married to a great guy. Being in her mid-thirties, she feels that she has waited a long time for this moment. It is a pure pleasure to observe the two of them planning for their special day. Her fiancé has three young children, so I am sure my daughter will experience many transitions. She will move from being single all her life to being married and becoming what they affectionately term a “bonus mom.” I sometimes chuckle to myself when I consider her suddenly becoming one of the parents of three children. Wow, I’ve got lot’s more Christmas presents to purchase this year! I love it. Her entire life change is such a joy that there is little nervousness about it. Sometimes we desire something so intensely that turning the page to your new chapter is a breeze when it comes. I’m sure transition issues will arise in the coming months, but I am confident she and her new husband will handle them productively.
There is an axiom about life that is helpful to remember. The more we give to something, the more we get out of it. But also, the more we struggle when it’s time to turn the page to the next chapter.
Think of this principle concerning professional athletes. By the time a person enters the professional level of sports, they have spent countless hours preparing. Only 2% of all college athletes ever play professional football. Studies show that you must strategically practice for at least 10,000 hours to be your best at something. The 10,000-hour rule is valid across the board for any endeavor, but perhaps none more evident than in sports. In practice, NBA great Kobe Bryant shot the basketball every day until he made 400 shots! Sports greats arrive well before scheduled practice and stay long after everyone else is gone.
But any sports professional has paid their dues since they were young. So, you are 33 years old, and it’s time to hang up the towel. How in the world does one transition from a life entirely dedicated to something so specific at basketball into “normal” existence? It is not easy. Many retired professional sports figures do not fare well, at least for a period, after retiring.
You’ve given everything you’ve got to a marriage, but it still does not work out. Your entire life revolved around your children, but now they have flown the coop. You thought you would retire from this company, but it was not to be. You expected to live into your eighties, but then came the diagnosis. You were overjoyed when you found out a baby was growing inside of you, but then came the miscarriage. You loved your homeplace, but it’s time to move to another state. The new promotion you took is much more complex than you expected. This list continues ad-infinitum.
Life is indeed about transitions.
How do people handle this aspect of life productively? Let’s take a look.
Significant life passages are usually more demanding than expected. You cannot cover every change that will confront you during a new season. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Roll with it. Learn and grow from the adjustment.
Remember, the more you put into something, the harder it is to let go and move towards something else – especially if the change was forced upon you. It usually takes more time than you thought to reinvent yourself. Be patient with yourself.
You are probably going to get stressed out more than once. The stress of newness is understandable and not a bad thing. As Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. puts it, view stress as a challenge rather than a threat.
Like it or not, you can and will grow from every transition, even difficult ones. Learning to handle the change productively will make you a better you. As they say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Don’t go it alone. Sometimes the period of adjustment makes us want to crawl into a hole and sulk. You know what I’m going to say; don’t do it. If you do, don’t set up camp there. My daughter has already consulted two trusted and knowledgeable people to help her become the best “Bonus Mom” she can be. Going it alone often means we end up doing behaviors that make the transition more, rather than less, difficult.
Exercise and eat healthy. Physical activity provides all kinds of benefits when you are trying to process something new to yourself. And, as you know, eating yourself into oblivion will make you feel worse.
Be determined. You will adjust, overcome, and become wiser and more robust. But all of these qualities take time to develop.
When you fall for a period, give yourself grace. God gives you grace; you should do the same!
The wise ancient writer of Scripture explained that there is a time for everything under heaven. Life is never stagnant, and when it is, it is generally not a good thing. Life is dynamic and constantly morphing. Sometimes we happily choose a new path, and sometimes the turn in direction is forced upon us. Either way, the principles for making the transition helpful for us are the same. Transition is our friend, not our enemy.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
