Stop Stabotaging Yourself

I was sitting at a large round table while serving on a committee for a yearly conference. At the round were six or seven other individuals. Within a few moments, I started feeling uneasy and out of place because it suddenly occurred to me that I was in the company of five college presidents. As the next few moments unfolded, I sank into my mind’s chair like a rock in a pond. “What in the heck are you doing sitting at this table? These men are all distinguished, well-known people. They all have brains and wisdom that dwarf your pitiful self. You weren’t even an exemplary student. You need to change tables, Hamilton. You are a peon among giants.”

Have you ever been in one of those situations? I’ve experienced many, and it is a sucky feeling. Have you ever started talking to someone about a specific subject, and it dawned on you that you were out of your league? This person spoke a language you couldn’t even understand. Sometimes you try to fake it, and others, you just keep quiet. Or perhaps you got that promotion, position, or place of honor only to feel like an imposter. “I don’t belong here. I’ve been promoted beyond my competence, and I’ll never learn this job. What will happen to me when people find out?”

These feelings are a bogus exercise in futility and counterproductive to your well-being. The process is called self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is a naturally occurring reaction to specific situations, and it is rooted in our primitive limbic systems, which are designed to protect us by making us want to stay in comfortable, known situations where we feel safe and secure. The problem is that this system cannot discern between real or imagined threats. The new circumstance causing this uncomfortable feeling needs to be turned over to another part of the brain that can determine what’s real and what’s made up.

The sensation of unworthiness happens to all of us. It is like a tiny gremlin running around in our heads, trying to vandalize our sense of pleasure and accomplishment in the most illogical ways. Our brains perceive some situations as threats, and it reacts accordingly. But misdiagnosing a condition because of wanting to stay in our comfort zone is like wearing an old pair of socks full of holes. They may be cozy, but they’re still full of holes and should be replaced.

Back to the large round “presidential” table. I soon learned the presidents were discussing possible new degree offerings at their colleges, one subject of which I had at least a minimum of knowledge. I listened intently when one of the men I happened to know well turned to me and said something like, “Don, what do you think about us offering this degree program?” Of course, I knew my typical answer of “Sounds good to me” would not suffice and dig me deeper into the abyss in my mind. So, I boldly explained my opinions on the matter based on my limited knowledge. Each man listened intently, and shortly I became part of the discussion. I thought, “Wow, this dumb bunny from Pennsylvania is sitting here with people I’ve respected and admired for years, and I am part of the discussion. Go figure!”

I remember the first time I served as the Senate of Pennsylvania Chaplain. If you’ve ever visited the Pennsylvania State Capitol building, you know from whence I speak. The structure is impressive, modeled after the one in Washington, D.C. The edifice can raise goose bumps on your arms. The massive rotunda, statues, art, ornate woodwork, magnificent marble steps, and renditions of the principles of our country are magnificent. On one side of the building lies the chambers and hall of Congress, while the other contains the Senate floor. Just entering the room gives one a sense of history and gravity.

I was nervous long before I entered the building preparing for the opening session prayer. “Wow, they still open in prayer,” I thought. One of our church members worked for a senator and recommended me for the position. I was humbled and honored that she would even think of me. I entered the Senator’s office and was introduced and warmly greeted.

Before long, I found myself entering the vast, historical, ornate hall with the Lieutenant Governor, who took his place several feet above me to my left. We sat facing the Senate floor and all the good Senators who were chatting, laughing, and some seriously carrying on state business. As I surveyed the impressive scene, I once again thought, “What in the world are you doing here, Hamilton?! You are out of your league. You could never be distinguished enough to fill this sacred seat. People who created our marvelous country occupied these positions, not a guy like me. There is a reason why they called this the Keystone State, but I’m just another brick in the wall.”

Then, I listened to the clerks sitting in front of me, senators chatting, and most of all, the Lieutenant Governor who was cracking jokes with senators who approached him and the secretaries and clerks serving below him. These were real people, just like me. And, they had no more business being in this place than I. But they were there, most of them just regular citizens trying to make this a better place to live. I served the position many times through the years, and from that time forward, I got over myself and enjoyed the experience.

 I sometimes feel the same when I want to chat with God. “Well, here I am again, Lord, your problem child, needing to ask for forgiveness for the umpteen thousandth time about the same issue. No, Lord, I have not disciplined myself, and I think I am as disappointed in me as You are. Argh! But that’s not all. I could really use your help right now, if you don’t mind.”

The moaning continues. “What’s worse, Father, is that I can’t guarantee I won’t do the same stupid thing again. The evidence would show it is likely. The words of your servant, Paul, echo in my head, ‘Oh wretched man am I.’” He then shouts his resulting fear. “Who will rescue me from this body so prone to deadly impulses?” Yep, that’s me!

Fortunately, our friend Paul continues. He answers his own question. “Jesus Christ, that’s is who!” (All of Paul’s words are my paraphrase.) What we abundantly prove about ourselves has been nailed to a cross once and for all. Jesus filled the forgiveness gap by dying in our place. We rightfully have a seat at the table. And can I add, you and I are the beneficiaries of millions of people who died to give the benefits we now enjoy in the United States of America. And for those in other wonderful countries, I am not downing you. You have experienced the same sacrifices. And this endeavor is still taking place every day.

Here’s the deal. God has taken care of our problems ahead of time, assuring in the end, our lives will come entirely together, and we will be made whole . . . but we won’t attain that perfection during our stay on this planet. That blessing comes later. So, for now, we struggle with ourselves, making mistakes again and again. We are not yet perfect. But do you think God doesn’t know that? He is well aware of our situation, yet He loves us and helps us anyway.  He really does! He even calls us His friends. He enjoys chatting with us anyway. Why is that so weird? We have close family and friends with whom we discuss our shortcomings and we know they have theirs too.

Can I be so bold as to bring this truth home? Well, I hope so.

When you are in uneasy situations where your primitive self wants to crawl under a rock and hide, train your reasoning brain to reject those thoughts. If you don’t, you’ll never take any chances, venture out of your comfort zone, and develop new skills. You won’t accomplish personal goals or enjoy new adventures.

So, here’s my suggestion.

 Stop the sabotaging syndrome in its tracks. Just because you are outside of your comfort zone does not disqualify you. None of us are worthy, and the ones who think they are cause the most problems. We don’t deserve a major portion of what we receive in life, but we get it anyway. Just enjoy it and be thankful and confident. You have a seat at the table.

Live Inspired!

Don Mark