own up to your own crap! don’t be a blame-shifter!

God chose Saul to be the first king of Israel, but he ultimately failed in his role as leader because he did not take personal responsibility for his actions and that of his army.

The study of Saul, the first king of Israel, and David, the second king, is one of contrasts. I believe God specifically planned this as a lesson for them and future generations. Consider: Saul was well-known among his people, a tall, good-looking man whom people loved. David was an unknown shepherd boy from an entirely different tribe, and there is no record that he was unusually tall. Saul was a native of the tribe of Benjamin, most minor of the Israeli peoples, while David was from Judah, which would become the greatest of all the tribes and the one to whom most present-day Jews trace their ancestry. Saul began as a humble person, but power and position quickly went to his head, and he became a foolish, unproductive leader. David went from being nobody to Israel's greatest king, and when he or his people sinned, he took responsibility, albeit through an agonizing process. Saul consistently blamed others for his mistakes, even the prophet that appointed him king.

For instance, Saul refused to take responsibility when he disobeyed God's commands to completely destroy the Amalekites, a group of enemies of Israel. God commanded that they be put to death and destroy all their possessions, but Saul spared their king and the best of the sheep and cattle, claiming that he wanted to sacrifice them to God. This disobedience directly violated God's command, so God rejected Saul as king.

Saul again screwed up when faced with the Philistine army; he became afraid and did not trust God's promise of victory. He consulted a medium instead of seeking guidance from God – not good, and God took it personally.

Saul also failed to take responsibility for his actions and constantly shifted the blame to others, like his son Jonathan, or on the circumstances. This dodging led to him becoming paranoid and ultimately to his downfall. David, a person after God's own heart, rose to take his place.

Saul's failure to take responsibility for his and his people's actions ultimately led to his downfall as king and his rejection by God. His life serves as a cautionary tale for all of us. A mark of maturity is the willingness to take responsibility for yourself and those under your leadership if you are a leader.

But, let's face it, that is easier said than done at times. Since Eve and Adam in the Garden, we humans have become expert blame-shifters. "It wasn't me" could easily be a motto for homo sapiens.

I remember the title of a book I've always liked: "Lord, I know I have sinned, but I have several excellent excuses."

A few weeks ago, I was backing out of my daughter's driveway. My new SUV was full of people, and we were chit-chatting and laughing as fast as our little tongues could spit out words and chuckle. About a year and a half ago, I purchased a new (new to me) SUV. It is by far the most primo ride I've ever owned. It's cool looking and fast, the perfect vehicle for me. It was also the first time I ever paid cash for a car which was a big deal to me. It was the most fun check I ever wrote.

My daughter and her family recently moved to a new home, so I was unfamiliar with the somewhat narrow street. The neighbor across the street had parked their car at the end of the driveway I was exiting. Now mind you, my car has 360-degree sensors and lets you know in no uncertain terms when you are getting too close to an object, especially another vehicle. It also has cameras that show the entire surroundings on a screen and another that views your car from above. (I still can't figure out how they do that, but it's neat.) My car company did everything possible to stop dumb drivers from running into things.

But it wasn't enough! I'm yip-yapping and suddenly hear a thud, feel a crunch, and abruptly stop. My driver's side back corner hit her passenger side front corner, smashing both our vehicles. My precious baby, I call her Nadia, had a boo-boo. I've only experienced one other minor accident in my driving life, which was in the snow many years ago. On this day, I had no excuse, but surely, I could try. After all, I'm a Christian, pastor, father, widower, and all-around nice guy; there must be some rational reason this incident was not my fault.

Why did they park their car there, for Pete's sake, they have a driveway! This bleekity, bleek, road is too narrow! There were four other people in my car, couldn't any of you been paying attention? Why didn't my car just stop automatically when it got too close? What kind of faulty technology is this? It was dusk, and the light was dim. Satan made me do it!

After a silent expletive or two, I got out of the vehicle and inspected the damage. It wasn't bad, but it dented my gorgeous specimen of a car. Meanwhile, some kind of fluid was leaking from the other vehicle out from under a smashed front corner. I wanted to cry and cuss.

My daughter and her husband had not yet met this neighbor, so at least I was helping them get acquainted. The husband was first on the scene, followed by his sweet little wife. The damaged vehicle was hers, actually in her parent's name. The car was old and a little rickety, but it quickly became evident that this transportation was essential to not only her but her children, whom she took to work and school every day.

The Lord immediately jerked a knot in my tail. I hate it when that happens. The message? "Look, Hamilton, this lady will have twenty times the trouble from this accident as you, and she probably doesn't have the money to rent a car or repair it. You are driving a Mercedes; you twit, chill out, and get your act together. Apologize immediately and then do it again. Then give her your information, get on the phone first thing tomorrow, and attend to this matter. Then, offer to rent her a car until hers is repaired."

"Yes, sir. I got the message loud and clear."

 I did as instructed, and my insurance company kindly rented her a car the next day. Meanwhile, my car cannot be repaired until the first week of April due to difficulty with parts acquisition. Now I have almost three months to think about whose fault it really was!

My shades of Adam blame shifting taught or re-taught me a lesson or two.

·      Excuse my language, but shit does indeed happen. Get over it. Life is associated with pitfalls, many of which you dug yourself.

·      When that stuff happens, do not engage your mouth until your conscience kicks in.

·      Do your best to righten what you've wronged as quickly as possible.

·      Tell people you are sorry.

·      Sometimes maturity and integrity require that you take the blame or at least partial responsibility for something you may not have done wrong.

·      Before you start blame-shifting, consistently pray that God will give you regular attitude adjustments before the stuff hits the fan. You don't want to end up like Saul, according to one account, who deliberately fell on his sword and ended his life.

·      Don't forget the big picture. If you are an American citizen, many of life's annoyances are first-world problems. You are not starving. You live in a nicer home than most of the world's citizens and have more, nicer stuff than several billion people. You have a car to crash; many crash donkeys. I think you get my point.

Case in point. Like many retirees, my friends Jim and Alice own a second home in south Florida. A few months ago, a hurricane nearly demolished their "special happy place." As you can imagine, they were distraught as they stood amid the destruction of their dream. Their home is in a development that was mostly destroyed. But as they contemplated their next move, what it would take to rebuild, and how disappointed they were, this realization dawned on them. "Alice, we have a home in Pennsylvania to go to. Many of these people don't. This was all they had. Let's count our blessings and get on with it." It was still difficult but get on with it they did, and now their home is nearly reconstructed. Meanwhile, they helped many families in their community who suffered the same fate. I guess they could have sat there and blamed God, but that's not their style.

 If you want to stay immature and ungrateful, become an expert blame-shifter. But if you want to grow up and enjoy a healthy, grateful, productive life, take responsibility for your own crap. As famous coach Lou Holtz put it, "The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it." — Lou Holtz

Live Inspired and Inspire Others,

Don Mark