Lessons From Frampton & Hendrix
I’ve never owned a dog. It is not because I don’t like dogs; I do like most of them, except the ones who bark incessantly or snarl at me like I’m some sort of stalker. Now, dog owners, that is sometimes a different story, but that’s for another article. Anyway, if I had a dog, I would want a golden retriever – one that doesn’t shed.
Golden retrievers are the happiest dogs on the planet. They smile when they’re so glad. They smile when they are mad. They smile when they’re hungry. They smile at other dogs, even ones that don’t like them. But, most of all, they smile when they see you. I like it when almost anything smiles at me. (Except snakes. A snake smiles at me because he so enjoys driving his fangs into my skin). I like the approval I feel from a smile.
My friend around the corner has a retriever and a lab (I think). He frequently walks the jolly fellows around my cul-de-sac in the morning. I should say they walk him around the cul-de-sac. They have the greatest doggie names I’ve ever heard – Frampton and Hendrix. Now those are real dog names! Sometimes, I’m out watering plants or getting the mail. Sometimes, I notice them coming towards my house from my reading chair. I get up so I can greet my friends and their owner, too.
When the retriever notices me, he makes me feel like one of those scenes in a movie when two lovers run toward one another after years of separation. He nearly pulls my friend’s arm out of the socket to greet me. Then, in an instant, he’s all over me, wiggling, wagging, and slurping. He makes me feel like the most prized thing in the whole wide world!
Funny thing, if we were apart for fifteen minutes, he would again greet me in the same manner. As a matter of fact, he would do the same thing all day long. That dog knows how much I’m worth!
Sometimes, I think, what if I greeted people in the same manner? What would that look like? How would they feel?
In his outstanding book Unreasonable Hospitality—The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect, Will Guidara shares a powerful insight: “People will forget what you do; they’ll forget what you said. But they will never forget how you made them feel.”
Mr. Guidara is on to something, something Golden Retrievers have known all along. When Frampton dashes out of my yard and around the circle, I feel better. I know somebody loves me just for who I am and is not bashful about showing it.
When you walk out of a room, drive out of the driveway, load your groceries into your cart, pay your server, greet your wife and children, or get off the phone with a friend, how do you think they feel?
Since retiring from full-time pastoral ministry, I have visited and spoken at numerous churches and noticed something. Ultimately, I judge a church by how I feel when I leave. As long as the preaching is based on the Bible and the music is decent, my view of the church is based on how I felt. How was I greeted? How many people genuinely wanted to chat with me? Did anyone talk with me after the service? Did I sense the pastor cared about me? Did I see lots of smiles?
I attended a church in the Baltimore area a couple of months ago. I’ve known the pastor there for years but rarely see him. I wanted to experience his church and perhaps visit with him. He noticed my presence before the service and immediately walked across the lobby to greet me and my friends. He then asked if I would stay around after the service so he could show me their facilities. Pastor to pastor, he knew I would appreciate all the work it took to get it to its present outstanding condition.
The service was uplifting, and the sermon was great, but the real impression came after the service. Once David had taken care of his “after-service” duties, he met us and, for the next half hour, gave us a thorough tour of the facilities and what their church was all about. As we chatted, I thought, this guy just preached three services. I am sure he is hungry and wants to see his family, but here he is, being gracious to my friends and me.
If I lived closer, I would attend that church. I left there feeling valued. I love the culture he and his leadership team have developed. Side note: I have been blessed to speak at that church this summer. What a treat!
We all want to feel valued, don’t we?
Jesus said we’re supposed to treat others the way we want to be treated. I want to be treated like Frampton treats me, so that begs the question, how can I follow his example?
It seems that the first issue to address is: Do you consider the person serving your food, checking you out at the grocery store, working on your car, and, yes, your mate or children valuable? I have witnessed and been told numerous first-hand stories of customers who treated service workers like crap and husbands and wives treating family members like they meant nothing to them. Honestly, I’ve seen people treat their dogs better than their wives. Not good. Frampton would scold you for that. Every person on this planet is valuable to Jesus, and He stated that if we mistreat one of His valued children, we are treating Him poorly. In other words, the Lord takes our misbehavior seriously.
Another good question is: “Am I so wrapped up in myself that I can’t see other people well?” News flash: the world does not revolve around you. If you allow your ego, the pursuit of pleasure, and a sense of entitlement to rule you, you will never be able to value others accurately. Put frankly, the more you allow any of those characteristics to rule you, the more of a jerk you will become. You will always have a personal hidden (or not-so-hidden) agenda. Be careful; Hendrix might bite you!
Smiles can set a positive tone in any relational interaction. If you are not a natural “smiler,” train yourself to improve that sour look on your face. I have worked hard for many years to make a small smile my natural default look. Smiles take you much further in life than frowns. I have a long way to go, but I hope to be like Hendrix someday.
My mother used to say, “Don, if you cannot say something good, then keep your mouth shut.” Are there people in your life that make you feel good about yourself? When you hang up the phone, you feel better than before the call. Sometimes, it is an email or a short text message. A thousand simple sentences can be used in nearly any situation that makes the person you are talking to feel valued. Meanwhile, there are also the same number of negative sentences that deflate people. Pick the former.
I am not advocating that there are never unpleasant conversations that don’t feel too “smiley.” I am proposing that many discussions, even casual ones, could end better—with both parties walking away uplifted. But to do so, we must consciencely value the person on the receiving end of our words.
Words mean a lot. A good word with a smile changes your day. Seeing how many lives you can change in a day with something so simple is fun.
Here is how the writer of Proverbs in the Bible explains this truth.
“The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions.”
Proverbs 10:11
“The words of the godly are like sterling silver; the heart of a fool is worthless.”
Proverbs 10:21
“The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense.”
Proverbs 10:21
“Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.”
Proverbs 12:25
“The lips of the godly speak helpful words, but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.”
Proverbs 10:32
“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.”
Proverbs 12:18
My two canine friends instinctively understand some day-changing attitudes and actions. Thanks guys! I am trying to follow your example, and I hope my friends will, too.
By the way, I think Mr. Guidara should contact my two canine friends for some additional hospitality advice. Maybe they could collaborate on his next book.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
