I wish i would have danced more
It happened several times a year. As the pastor of a church where numerous young adults attended, I officiated many weddings. I enjoyed conducting weddings because people were usually delighted at such joyous occasions. I usually participated in the reception, which is the most fun part of the day. Whenever possible, my wife joined me, which made for a cheap date.
Wedding receptions usually included lots of dancing opportunities. When I was a teenager into my early twenties, I enjoyed dancing. That is not to say that I was good at it; I just tried not to make a complete fool of myself. My two older sisters are great dancers. There were plenty of dance parties in our house, so little Donnie observed and tried to emulate their moves.
I attended a few middle and high school dances but was usually too afraid to ask anyone to onto the floor, so I ended up one of those guys standing on the sidelines trying to look cool. There were also country club dances on occasion, but I suffered the same debilitating fear. My best solution was to obtain a girlfriend. If you had a steady lady friend, two hurdles were automatically crossed - getting a date and having a dance partner. It worked like a charm.
Later in my twenties, there were not many dance opportunities. I attended a very small, conservative Bible College. Some deeply “spiritual” souls decided that dancing was of the devil, so school dances were out of the question, as were frequenting bars where dancing might occur. Where did they come up with this stuff! I’m sure Jesus was elated that none of His truly dedicated followers were swinging their hips or shuffling their feet. I digress.
After Gail and I settled in south-central Pennsylvania, most of our dancing opportunities were at weddings. We thought it bold that the “pastor and his wife” drank wine and danced. It seemed like most of my pastor friends did neither at the time. We were such rebels! However, I only took to the floor during slow songs. Dancing to slow music is like waiting in line at the DMV. Not much happens. Two people semi-embrace and slowly rock back and forth while turning in circles. Aliens would probably deduce that slow dancing is some form of human mating ritual.
Many women like to slow dance. When their special someone holds them tight while whispering sweet nothings in their ear, it makes a girl feel special. However, on the other side of the equation, there is another insidious dynamic at work. The man is thinking, “If I do this, it will make her happy, and the chances of me making a fool of myself are minimal. I can stand next to her, put my arms around her, look serious, and turn in circles.” The only concern is turning too quickly, which might make you dizzy, or repeatedly stepping on her toes. This strategy will get you off the hook for being expected to dance an actual real dance.
A “real dance” requires at least some modicum of rhythm and the ability to move one’s feet, arms, and hands remotely in time with a beat. Male dancers are also required to maintain a cool, James Bond look on their face. On the other hand, women are allowed to look like they are having fun, which they are.
Sometime in those early ministry years, I nearly stopped fast dancing. Gail would invite and sometimes implore me to join her to no avail. She often ended up dancing with a group of girls while the guys talked about sports at the table. I don’t know exactly when I stopped dancing, but it lasted for many years.
I somehow became so self-conscience of looking foolish, and I refused to share these moments with my wife. I guess I was too cool for school. And there were always plenty of male friends who shared the same sentiment. You’ll always see groups of girls on the dancefloor for this reason. For many years I sat on the sidelines because I was afraid of looking silly.
I now regret it. I wish I would have danced more.
At some point in recent years, I got over it. If there is anything the passing of my wife taught me, it is that life is too tenuous and short not to dance. I’m no Fred Astaire or Michael Jackson. I probably more resemble a manatee out of the water, but I’m always up for fun. Cutting the rug with my daughters, grandkids, and friends is pure joy.
“Karl Pillemer, author of “30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans,” and his team interviewed 1,500 people over 65 about what haunts them most about their life choices.” Interviewees were asked what they regretted about their lives. Here is a list of their top eight conclusions.
· Not being careful enough when choosing a life partner.
· Not resolving a family estrangement.
· Putting off saying how you feel.
· Not traveling enough.
· Spending too much time worrying.
· Not being honest.
· Not taking enough career chances.
· Not taking care of your body.”
(https://www.today.com/health/biggest-regrets-older-people-share-what-they-d-do-differently-t118918, A. Pawlowski, Today, November 17, 2017)
Are there exploits and activities you should try, places you want to go, words you want or need to say? Are you sitting on the sidelines because of pride or fear? Are there new activities you want to learn or old ones that need to be revived? Are you bypassing opportunities that you will later regret? My advice:
You need to dance more.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
