I was deeply disappointed
"I'm deeply disappointed" was my proclamation yesterday. My plans for the remainder of the summer and much of the fall were abruptly interrupted and changed. What's up with that?!
In recent years, my doctors have repeatedly explained that part of my vision problems are related to my eyelids drooping over my pupils. In other words, I increasingly resemble a hound dog. None of my life goals involve losing my sight and being mistaken for a hunting dog. Growing older has many huge advantages, but physical prowess is generally not one of them. Things droop and wrinkle and wear out.
Anyway, I was to have surgery on my eyelids next week, which would allow me to see correctly and make me look like I'm twenty years old again. What a deal!
My sinuses have been a royal pain in the butt, or my head, for years. Excuse my grossness, but they get infected several times a year and are always full of . . . well, you know. About two years ago, I received a tooth implant, and before the procedure, the doctor showed me an X-Ray of my sinus cavities. He graphically explained that my chambers were precisely the wrong color on the picture. This meant that they were impacted and likely infected. The kind man strongly suggested that I go to an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist when his work was finished. I took his advice.
I now realized that I not only look like a Bloodhound, I also don't breathe well! What's next? After several months of antibiotics and up-your-nose sprays of various sorts, I was supposed to enjoy sinus surgery only three weeks after the eye job. Not bad, an eye job and nose job within a month. After that, I would be as good as new, perhaps better! Plus, I would be able to see and breathe like an actual human. Well, except for the impending cataract surgery to finish the job. After that, George Clooney, step aside.
It would be good for me to explain that, like many people, doctor visits didn't thrill me. For many years I avoided them like the plague. My healthcare was the subject of numerous arguments with my Nurse Practitioner wife. I don't know why I hated doctor visits and distrusted the medical profession in general. I guess we all harbor some stupid misconceptions, but my medical transformation certainly helped my marriage.
I got over it. I've learned that most doctors and nurses are intelligent and compassionate people. Trust me; I've spent a lot of time with medical professionals through both my own travails and my wife's two-year battle with cancer. I now maintain diligence concerning my health.
Another one of my "conditions" has been Atrial Fibrillation. "A-Fib" means that several heart cells go rogue and start firing electrical signals, causing the organ's upper chambers to beat well beyond normal speed. As I write, mine is beating over twice its standard rate and irregularly to boot. It's kind of like taking speed without taking speed. The condition is not good since it can result in blood coagulating in the heart and then moving to your brain, resulting in a stroke. Not cool.
All my plans were set. I would receive both procedures this summer – eyes and nose – then get on with my exciting plans for the fall and winter. I don't like hot, humid weather, so this was a perfect strategy. While I healed, I could sit in my comfortable, air-conditioned house and watch others sweat outside the windows. I was very proud of this endeavor on my part. I pursued a course that would please my wife looking down from above and my children, who are always concerned that Dad takes care of himself.
Having surgeries in August and September meant that I canceled two exciting trips. One to California and one to Nashville. Argh! The decision to do this was a process towards, "Okay, health first." But this schedule would also allow me a late-fall trip to Europe for meetings and tourism.
In an instant, my plans were altered. After being awakened two nights ago, I laid my head on the pillow. I could hear the sound pulsing through my vessels as my heart was racing and irregular. I am familiar with this cadence since I've experienced it numerous times, resulting in several cardioversion procedures and three heart ablations. I was once again in A-Fib! They do not do surgeries while you are in a state of Atrial Fibrillation. And, once the heart is cardioverted, no other surgeries are permitted for an entire month. If the cardioversion does not work, the next step is ablation. Yuk!
So now I have changed my perfect travel plans to care for my health, then my dumb heart cells start another revolution. Their timing sucks! What do my heart cells have against me?! I've been good to them all these years, and this is the thanks I get.
Yesterday, I was a little angry and severely disappointed. How dare my heart get in the way of my plans! Life is like that, isn't it? Disappointment is part and parcel of life. The present age is not heaven, so the best-laid plans of mice and men will go awry. So, what can one do about it? I propose re-appointing your attitude. Here's how to change your disappointment to re-appointment.
Don't let your anger get the best of you. Anger is sometimes a knee-jerk reaction to these situations. It's okay to be upset, but don't let your anger rule the next week of your life. It's a waste of time and positive energy. It's also easy to use anger about "your" problems to hurt others. If you let anger get out of control, you will apply this formula to your circumstances. Disappointment + Unbridled Anger = Deeper disappointment and unkind outbursts. I was a little ticked off yesterday, but I chose not to stay there for long. You will not re-appoint your situation while you are angry. Paul said it well, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." Easier said than done, but wise, nonetheless.
Share your frustration with those who empathize but do not coddle you. As much as it pained me, I let my four daughters and close friends know about the situation. I would rather keep the problem to myself and handle it like the "tough guy" that I am in those moments. That would be called "stupid." There is a path out of disappointment; it is called "re-appointment." Re-appointment starts when we share the situation, our anger and hurt, with the appropriate people. They listen, empathize, and then gracefully remind me that life happens, and I should do the right thing. On rare occasions, some of the most moving words spoken to me are when my daughters say, "I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry you are going through this." Wow! Those words move me every time. But they do not let me off the hook. They kindly tell me to take care of myself no matter how it screws up my plans.
Stop fretting over situations that you cannot change. For some reason, my heart has a mind of its' own. Sometimes your body involuntarily does its' thing. On other occasions, the world around you creates disappointing situations. For instance, COVID 19 and its' variants. Need I say more. I hate wearing a mask! Face diapers are hot, smelly, stupid-looking, and generally annoying. But they help stop something worse than hot, smelly, stupid-looking, and annoying. Many situations come across our paths that simply cannot be changed by our feelings. I am in Atrial Fibrillation, and all the anger, wishing, and disappointment will not alter the situation. I must adjust to the situation.
Prayer doesn't always change things – the way you want. "So, hey Lord, how about You just stop these insane heart cells from annoying me and messing up my schedule." Perhaps this will happen over the weekend. I doubt it. Been there, done that. Does that mean I don't have enough faith? I don't think so. I've known God a long time. Thousands of people begged for my wife to be healed of Pancreatic cancer. She was. Now she is with Jesus. Life is about adjusting and allowing yourself to morph into a more mature, caring person. God just might have something different in mind for my life during the fall of 2021. What if we learned to be okay, even celebrate that possibility? I think maturity rests in not always getting what you want but enjoying what you have. My prayer now is to have eyes to see what He might have in store for me over the next few months. I don't want to miss His work because of a bad attitude.
Get on with it. Time does indeed march on. You can choose to live in the past or enjoy today and march on towards the future. Turn disappointment into re-appointment. People do it all the time, and so can you.
Monday morning, I'll lay across the table adorned in a beautiful gown and quickly drift off to neverland. Likely, but not guaranteed, I will awake with all heart cells now marching in line at fifty-five beats per minute. My eyes and sinuses will have to wait, and my adventures will be delayed. Mr. Heart and Mr. Brain trump lesser systems. But my mind has been reappointed, and life will be just fine. Perhaps I will have become just a little more mature and wiser.
Are you facing disappointment? If so, try re-appointing your attitude and actions.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
