i didn’t see that coming!
April 22nd, and it's snowing, for Pete's sake! As I was writing, giant snowflakes raced to the earth, blown by high winds. Last night, I had to bring my new ferns into the warm refuge of the house, or the cold temperatures would have cut their life short. One minute the sun is shining brightly; the next, it's raining. One day I sit on the outdoor patio of a favorite restaurant, the next, I'd freeze if I tried. It's spring! Expect the unexpected. But we don't much like the unexpected.
My wife and I were married for thirty-eight years. She knew things about my standard behavior that you wouldn't want to know. Some of them irritated her immensely. Sometimes my everyday actions were cause for lengthy arguments while others initiated much laughter and even deep fulfillment.
Every year the Hamilton family took great vacations. And every year, there was a several-month tug-of-war between a fiscally conservative wife and a husband who wanted the moon and stars. "Let's have all the fun we can now. We can pay for it later." Many times, we stayed at a lake or beach house. Our family started renting vacation homes long before Airbnb existed, and I always wanted something bigger and better. A good vacation home needs to be on the water, have a fantastic deck, wood-burning fireplace, gourmet kitchen, bedroom for each child, hot tub, and various other critical amenities. If we were on a lake, the house needed a boat dock at which there would be a powerful ski boat and a long – 24, not 18-foot pontoon boat. I had needs!
Gail's reaction to my "needs" was always the same. In so many words, "You're an idiot! We can't afford that." Argh! She was usually right. Marriage is the art of compromise. After a few years, I learned that we complimented one another in these and other matters. Vacation house-hunting became a fun experience.
The point is that we were both predictable. It was our predictability that allowed us to foresee the future and prepare for it. Anticipation of likelihood helped us learn how to grow towards one another. It also taught us about our deficiencies and allowed us to work on them towards maturity.
Contrary to popular belief, most of us are predictable creatures. We live within specific parameters and patterns because we yearn for the stability and security provided by unsurprising daily circumstances. Predictability is even helpful at work.
Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic observes in Fast Company magazine,
". . . Second, though a lot of organizations pretend to celebrate disruptors, creatives, and unpredictable personalities, the reality is that you are much more likely to get rewarded at work if you behave in more consistent and predictable manners. For instance, most people prefer to work for a boss who is predictable and consistent, to the point of being boring.
The reason is rather obvious: People want to avoid stress and anxiety in their everyday life, and few things are more stressful than an unpredictable boss. Bosses also prefer employees who deliver according to expectations, which involves operating within a well-defined model of talent or potential, with predefined behaviors.”
Tomas continues to observe that predictable people more easily influence others and tend to enjoy life events more. (Article, Fast Company, Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, 12-20-19)
On the other hand, weather prognosticators live in the conundrum of the unexpected, and they take a lot of flak for it. Weather forecasting is an inexact and sometimes unpredictable science. The weatherperson joke is that this is the only job where you can be wrong 50% of the time and still be employed. I'm not sure of the accuracy of that jab, but it demonstrates our tendency to desire accurate knowledge of future events. Why?
We want to control our destiny. Good luck with that!
Before I continue, let me remind you that predictability and consistency are good things.
But make no mistake, "Spring" will arrive many times throughout the year. The unexpected will blow in from nowhere and rock our predictable little boats. So, what do you do with these seasons? Here are a few suggestions.
Change your perspective. The unexpected can be a good thing. Most of us would like everything in life to be foreseeable and consistently beneficial. Never is, never was, and never will be. Growth requires challenge, and some of your most productive challenges will have confronted you by surprise.
I know that it is presently difficult to consider, but many helpful developments will emerge from the pandemic. Some to ponder are: People refocused their values. Families spent more physical time together. Businesses and companies innovated and morphed quickly. Air quality improved in many large cities. The number of auto accidents decreased. People learned new and better ways of staying connected. Geography proximity has lessened in importance as we've learned to work remotely. This means we can work from almost anywhere in the world. Churches reconsidered methods of community, global missions, fundraising, and community outreach. People are more aware of their mortality. This knowledge always causes many to improve their lives.
I would not wish a pandemic on the world ever again. However, some of our best learning and development blooms from the unexpected. People who long for the world. to return to the way it was will be sorely disappointed. "Surprise" events, large or small, usually have a downside. We all mourn the passing of so many Coronavirus victims. But the miracle of humanity is that we do indeed learn how to make lemonade out of lemons. We know that God does His best work through challenges for those of us with faith.
Think deeply about what you are learning from unexpected events. You often discover much about yourself if you are open and thoughtful.
Curb your initial reactions. The initial response to most surprise events is fight or flight. We are hardwired for this response. The pandemic spawned many unhealthy reactions. Some reacted with such fear that they "dropped out" of society and expected their network to do the same. Others fight response ignited conspiracy theories and callous actions towards others trying to process the same situation in their way. Neither reaction is helpful. When unexpected situations confront us, it is usually beneficial to pause and consider wisdom.
Avoid the victim mentality. Often the first reaction to unanticipated circumstances is, "Why me?" The short answer to this conundrum is, "Because you are a human living in a fallen world." Problem solved. Sometimes we are victims of others' carelessness; other times, we suffer the brunt of our stupidity. In 2016, CNN reported a classic case of the latter.
"In early 2016, Donald "Chip' Pugh was suspected of arson and vandalism so a warrant was sent out for his arrest. To help track down Donald, the police of Lima, Ohio, shared his mugshot on their Facebook page.
Donald clearly didn't think the photo captured his best side, so he texted a more flattering selfie to the police department saying "Here is a better photo that one is terrible."
Still obviously wanting to repair his reputation, Donald then called into a local radio station to justify his actions.
"Man, they just did me wrong. They put a picture out that made me look like I was a Thundercat or James Brown (google it) on the run, I can't do that".
Police were delighted with Donald's help and later arrested him in Florida."
Some unanticipated situations will leave us wallowing in a puddle of self-pity. Psychologists tell us it is okay, even healthy, to feel the pain of terrible experiences deeply. The "woe is me" syndrome is appropriate for a while, but it is unwise to set up a permanent camp there.
Morph your plans and move on. One of the most admirable traits of being human is adapting and thriving in new environments.
The Apostle Paul was adept at turning the unforeseen into productive moments. From a Roman prison, the sage leader wrote, "12 Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. 13 As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. 14 And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear." (Philippians 1:12-14 NIV)
Later in the same letter, the prisoner wrote, "11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:11-13 NIV)
You can productively adapt to any situation.
Finally, laughter is the best medicine. A few days ago, I received a text from my daughter. It finished with a funny picture of Winnie the Pooh. The text stated, "It's been a rough day. Grace's toilet broke and flooded the house."
The conversation explained that water was coming through the ceiling onto the dining room table and then down to the basement. The fire alarm was dripping water, as were the heating vents. They were unsure which way to turn the valve to shut off the water, so the water was everywhere.
But it didn't end there. Kristin then took the truck to get the oil changed and forgot the cooler was in the truck bed. When she realized the cooler lid was about to fly off, she couldn't stop because she was on a bridge. She prayed her way across the bridge until she could stop.
She then pulled on a cord in the truck, which suddenly came out and bopped Grace in the face.
The two of them were laughing so hard they were crying. It felt as if their world was crumbling around them. Sometimes we don't know whether to laugh or cry or both. Laughter can undoubtedly lighten an otherwise unpleasant situation.
Well, the weather is now beautiful again. Let's see how long that lasts!
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
If you find my writings helpful, please pass them along to your network and ask friends to subscribe at www.donmarkhamilton.com.
If you wish to discontinue receiving these emails, please press the unsubscribe button at the bottom of the page.
