Happiness is Over Rated
"I just want my kids to be happy." As a parent, I've made that statement many times and heard many other guardians express the same sentiment. But is that really what I want for them, or myself for that matter? Probably not.
You plopped down in your favorite chair and began the search for the latest series that someone told you was outstanding. But before you entrenched yourself into a comfy spot, you made your way to the freezer for the third time this week. You heaped a bowl with mocha caramel ice cream and proceeded to the family room. You’re thinking, Mmmm, does that feel good or what?!
I t's one of your favorites, a huge fried chicken breast accompanied by a small mountain of fries and a Coke. You woof it down like a starving wolf, and a sense of warmth envelopes your being.
It's called "comfort food," and most of us crave it in one form or another. It creates a warm, fuzzy feeling and is often associated with some memorable experience. That good feeling results from dopamine and serotonin released in your brain because your thinker says, "Ooo, I like that! Let's do that again." That is why it is the third evening this week you've made your way to the freezer. It makes you happy – but only for a while.
Happiness results from doing something or seeing something that releases the feel-good drugs in your system. It is not sustainable and can be attained from healthy and unhealthy pursuits. Happiness can transform into unhappiness instantly; when it does, your brain says, "Do that thing that makes you happy again, and you'll be okay."
There is another pursuit in life that delivers something more permanent and ongoing than happiness. It is not dependent upon temporary, fleeting experiences. This more profound sense is ongoing throughout our lives, and it allows happiness to result from pursuits and experiences that are the fruit it sometimes produces. If we attain this treasure, we can handle the thousands of moments when we are not particularly happy. It is called fulfillment.
As I approach sixty-nine years of age, I often look back on my life to moments of happiness but also to a bigger picture, which is far more important to me. I think, "Don, how well did you experience life according to your principles and values? Have you been the kind of person you respect and enjoy?"
You value your relationship with God. How did you do?
You value your family over your career. How did you do?
You value helping others. How did you do?
You value integrity. Did your life match your beliefs?
Etc.
Though I've made thousands of mistakes and occasionally strayed from one of those values, as a whole, I am pleased with how I’ve lived. I am fulfilled and have been most of my life. That makes me happy! Living according to my principles and values created the happiest moments of my life, but it also helped me navigate the common human experiences that are not so pleasing.
Fulfillment is the most valuable gift anyone can possess.
So, my wife and I tried to exemplify to our children our values by what we believed and practiced. Those precious jewels are usually more caught than taught. I am blessed that our children caught it and developed their own values.
Do I want my kids to be happy? Of course I do. But it is more pleasing to watch them fulfilled.
Does every person raised in a "good" family turn out that way? No. But every parent can do their part to show them the fulfilling path. Ultimately, it's up to them to choose their way.
We want our children to be happy and, more importantly, live fulfilling lives.
Live Inspired!
Don Mark
