go ahead, gift yo-self!

I bought myself a Christmas present this week. Woot! Woot! Hey, if I’m going to purchase gifts for everyone important to me, why not Don Mark as well? I’m important to me too, you know. I often annoyed my wife when I purchased myself items that she intended to buy me for Christmas. Once I got into the gift-giving spirit, my name usually appeared on my list and thwarted her gifting strategy.

My gift is a ticket to watch the Hoosiers, hopefully, whoop Penn State on the basketball court in January. I know this incurs the wrath of all you Lion fans, so please forgive my insolence. Penn State does play other sports than football, you know. Every year I pray for basketball season because Indiana gets annihilated by the Nittany Lions on the turf, and our chances are much better on the hard court.

However, basketball tickets are not the only contribution I will make to myself in 2023.

Though we’re all busy planning for Christmas, many of us are also considering what the New Year will bring and the personal improvements we might want to make. Surprise, surprise, I have a suggestion.

I have one compelling desire for 2023; to get my book published. I’m edging ever closer to completion though some days it feels like the song that never ends. After working on the manuscript for the past fourteen months, I’m anticipating help from a coach and editor. I know there will be many changes, and I am excited about how the process will unfold. Those changes will be improvements, and that is my intention.

I want to grow dramatically as a writer, and that process will involve a coach. I learned years ago that I must have coaches and mentors if I want to advance in any significant endeavor or aspect of my life. There is no replacement for obtaining outside guidance to be successful, yet so many people decline opportunities for this kind of help.

“I want a better marriage, but I am not reading a book, attending a seminar, or heaven forbid, obtaining counseling.” “I’d like to up my leadership chops, but I don’t have time to take a class.” “I want to sing better, but I don’t want someone critiquing my vocal skills.”

“I want to be a better dad or mom, but those parenting classes are a waste of time.” “I’d like to understand the Bible better, but I don’t have time for a small group or an online course.” I think you get my drift. All of us, myself included, have engaged in this kind of hypocrisy at one time or another.

I enjoyed breakfast with a good friend yesterday who coordinates coaching for young pastors. His tribes’ leaders recognize that coaching is a must if they want to deploy an army of dedicated, competent church leaders to spread the gospel. This group is so convinced about the need for tutorship they even pay for coaching services.

However, interestingly, many young pastors and leaders turn down the opportunity to learn from someone who is a little further down the pike than themselves. They don’t seem to understand the value of chatting regularly with someone who’s “been there, done that, and has the t-shirt.” As older leaders, he and I are perplexed as to why people in such a demanding position would turn down a golden opportunity for growth. We spent most of our careers seeking guidance from wise mentors who wanted to see us develop and improve.

There is a maxim in life that the further you go in your skills and development, the more coaching you need. Many people think just the opposite. However, top-level professionals receive coaching throughout their careers. No matter how good you are at something, there are always people who can make you better if you are willing.

I’ve written thousands of pages of material, including over 620,000 words, in the last one-hundred-twenty-two weeks. That is the equivalent of about nine average-sized books. Yet, now writing almost daily blogs, articles, journals, and books reveal, “Hamilton, you need help! You need a coach and an editor.”

Since I aspire to grow, I will gift myself a writing coach and editor, which might become the most enjoyable present I receive next year.

So, if you consider self-improvement in some area of your life next year, give yourself a Christmas gift this year. Don’t just say, “I want to lose excess pounds next year.” Instead, inquire, “Who can and will help me; who will coach me?” Refrain from, “I know my marriage kind of sucks, and I also know I’m partly to blame. I am going to be a better spouse in 2023.” Take your admirable desire a step further and locate someone who will help you.

Unless you are God, you need coaches and mentors to seek your potential. Jesus had a coach whom He identified as His Father. He said, “I only do what I see the Father doing.” (My paraphrase). Jesus coached the Apostles, who, in turn, coached hundreds of aspiring leaders. Paul explained this philosophy well when writing to his younger friend, Timothy. “2 And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.” (2 Timothy 2:2 NIV). “I coached you, Tim; now you coach someone else who will coach another.”

I suspect that securing the gift of a writing coach/editor will surpass in value of tickets to a Hoosier basketball game, and it will become “the gift that keeps on giving, Clark.”

Whatever your resolution, make sure it includes a person or persons who will help you be successful. You’ll need a coach. This Christmas, give a gift that keeps on giving.

Here are a few guidelines that might help you secure this present.

·      Determine if you really want to improve in this area. Don’t resolve to do something you don’t feel deeply about accomplishing.

·      Humble yourself. Sometimes we reject coaching/mentoring because we fear admitting we need help or think we know more than reality reveals. Humble yourself, and you will learn.

·      Make the sacrifice. Improvement costs: it always costs. Things do not get better for free. Your upgrade will likely cost time, energy, and money. Determine that you are willing to pay the price.

·      Take it one day at a time. You will grow slowly every day until you wake up one day, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I did it! I did it!”

·      When you screw up, and you will, get your kiester up and go at it again. Development is always associated with failure. The issue is not if I will fall short; the concern is what you do with your losses. Leadership guru, John Maxwell, calls it Failing Forward. I highly recommend the book by that name.

·      Treat “Yo-self!” Celebrate every little victory. Don’t wait until you cross the finish line; recognize every mile you run along the way.

·      Thank God daily for His coaching and mentoring. He loves being your coach; he really does. He is inspiring, instructing, and infusing you with energy all the time, and He appreciates a simple “thanks, Coach.”

Giving yourself a gift or two is okay, and finding one that keeps on giving is delightful. Don’t be too afraid, ashamed, or proud to find someone to help get you where you want to go next year.

Happy Gift-Giving!

Live Inspired!

Don Mark