Get Out of Your rut . . . unlearn
Moving forward in life might be more about unlearning than learning. Some of you remember Star Wars. My favorite character in the series was Yoda. Yoda was a wise and powerful Jedi Master. When teaching young Luke Skywalker, he made this profound statement, "You must unlearn what you have learned."
Years ago, I started playing golf. To improve my game, I frequently visited a local driving range and hit a basket or two of balls for practice. Golf is a challenging game to master. To accomplish a low score, one must develop a good swing. I created a theory about the swing. I am a pretty big guy, so I figured I could just swing the club with all my might, and it would go really far precisely where I aimed. Wrong on both counts! As a matter of fact, it is essential to meet the ball with the clubhead for the ball to go anywhere. I frequently missed the ball, ultimately resulting in me looking like a fool. I've always said that everyone should have to experience two sports, golf and snowing skiing. Both of these endeavors will humble the best of us. If I were to take golf lessons, the first instruction a coach would provide is to unlearn my crummy swing.
It is nearly impossible to become proficient at the game of golf without the benefit of instruction. Here's why. Before you know it, you've developed habits that you must unlearn if you want to move forward in the game. It is much more difficult to unlearn bad habits than to form new ones correctly.
For instance, when it comes to food consumption, you simply do what comes naturally. You eat what you like in whatever quantity you enjoy. Eat lots of cake, potato chips, buttery popcorn, chocolate in any form, and plenty of pizza. Life is good! But, one day, you wake up to realize that what you consume in those amounts will ultimately kill you. You're now overweight and out of shape. Unlearning lousy eating habits is a huge challenge, but that is where you find yourself.
You've done this job well for years. You know how to do your job, but not today. Today they changed the rules on you. Now what? If you are to continue to be good at what you do, you'll have to unlearn what has become a habit.
How many masks have you lost? I've lost a dozen or so. How many times have you walked into a grocery store only to walk back out because you forgot your mask? I've dramatically increased my exercise level simply because I have to angrily stroll back to my car to retrieve my COVID catcher. We are all unlearning the freedom of breathing without a face-covering. For most of us, this is an unpleasant lesson.
Sometimes looking like a bandit just ticks me off. If I've got bad breath, I have to smell it the whole time I am sporting my black, "ear -itating" veil. I have settled on black because it highlights my white/blonde hair and matches any outfit. These things are essential. My glasses steam up, and I can't read—my face sweats. And people can't see my handsome mustache and goatee. Life is tough with a mask. But, I'm not one to sit in my house for long, and I certainly don't want to spread the virus, so I learned to pocket plenty of breath mints, breath only through my nose, and keep an ample supply of COVID screens in my glove compartment. Indeed, the unlearning/relearning process is arduous.
Jesus regularly told people they would need to unlearn certain spiritual practices that were keeping them from growth. They were to unlearn their misguided views on prayer, generosity, the Sabbath, loving their neighbor, and so forth. His guidance was not always well received. In fact, telling them to unlearn their views about the Messiah got Him killed.
Do you have habits and practices that you need to unlearn? There may be patterns that worked for you ten years ago, but they are now outdated and ineffective. Is your marriage stuck? Perhaps you've not grown. You need to unlearn the ways you treated your spouse years ago. Are your children suffering because you need to unlearn unhealthy practices your parents implemented with you? Are you plateaued at work because you've not unlearned five-year-old methods? Perhaps you're just in a rut and need some new horizons.
A few months ago, I was traveling out west. Years ago, I started a practice of purchasing a book or magazine at the airport. I pick material that I would not usually read. On this occasion, I noticed a book with thirty or so soup recipes. I like to make and eat soup, but I was in a rut. My huge culinary repertoire included chili, chicken corn, chicken noodle, and soup beans. Boring! I perused the magazine and saw several good-looking delights. Since that time, I've tried thirteen new soups and added several of them to my menu. I am no longer in a soup rut! God is good!
So, how do you become aware of these routines, and what can you do about them? Here are some suggestions.
First, keep yourself involved in a growth environment where you are challenged to think in new or different ways. If you are not growing, you are dying. To keep growing, one must adopt a growth environment. Development surroundings are sometimes uncomfortable, but the only way to continually be comfortable is to be dead. Surround yourself with people that challenge and uplift you.
Second, admit when you need to change. Years ago, I tried to convince my wife that the modern toilet was designed for the lid and seat to be left up. How do you think that worked out for me? A death knell for growth is the statement, "I've never done it that way before, and I'm not changing now." Older folks sometimes say, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." That is a lie on two counts. You're not a dog, and you can learn new tricks. That is what separates you from the animal world. I know a few people in their 70s and 80s who learned to use Facebook. They were not even aware of what "smartphone" means. But, they now use this social tool more effectively than many people in their 20s and 30s.
Third, develop a simple plan to change. We don't accomplish many goals because we don't map out the journey. Woe to the team that enters the Superbowl without a game
Fourth, put yourself into accountability relationships. Healthy relationships force us to keep growing. As a church leader, I initiated many improvements, "changes," to my congregation. I learned that if the progress were to last and become part of our culture, I had to keep the pressure on to unlearn the old and learn the contemporary. As soon as we backed off, many people would revert to the old way of doing things. As individuals, we are all the same. We need friends to keep after us to implement our plans. Old habits are formidable foes, and we need help to unlearn them.
Fifth, don't give up the long-term goal because of short-term failures. One of my favorite book titles is John Maxwell's, "Failing Forward." It is also one of my favorite reads. If you are not failing, you are not trying anything different than what you know. Failures are stepping-stones across the rough seas of growth.
Sixth, celebrate small victories. Without celebration, life becomes drudgery. Just as there will be many small losses, there will be small victories. I subscribe to the writing tool called "Grammarly." Nearly everything I put to the page runs the Grammarly gauntlet. Each week I await my weekly writing update. The program tells me how well I wrote last week as compared to all users. It also analyzes my writing and provides suggestions for improvement. I am always encouraged when the first words on the report are, "Congratulations!" Analytics then tell me I did something right last week. Sometimes I even get a badge! Woohoo! Next week, I'll cross the 100,000 word-check-mark for the last few months. How cool is that? It is so cool that the uplifting news challenges me to keep writing and learning.
Seventh, keep the process ingrained in you so you can reproduce it over and over again in your life. Life success is about unlearning negative techniques and replacing them with productive procedures. Methods and programs frequently change, but the underlying processes needed to adopt new approaches are similar.
Many years ago, I was at my wit's end. I had so many irons in the fire that I felt like a pinball bouncing around a pinball machine. I was tired and bedraggled. A friend kept urging me to slow down and take times of solitude regularly. So, I started getting up a little earlier. I sat down with a cup of coffee in what would become my personal altar. I learned to journal my prayers and read the Bible in new ways. Many times, I just sat and dwelled upon the blessings in my life. I have never abandoned this process, and it has served me well through thick and thin. The process is ingrained no matter what the situation. Hold on to productive processes that will allow you to morph into whatever your need at the moment.
It's been about two-and-a-half-years since my wife passed. My life has sometimes been a very rough ride since that transition. I wondered if I would ever grow beyond my intense grief and loss. I've had to unlearn the life of a married person. Now, marriage is a memory. But not a bad one. I've applied the unlearning/learning principles to my new life. No matter who and where you are in life, you can move forward. You'll have to unlearn a few behaviors and learn a few new ones. But you can do it. Why not start today?
