a game you can never win

I wasted a lot of time on an entirely futile endeavor. This activity gave me no pleasure, produced no fruit, and frequently discouraged my outlook. It is a game that most of us play at specific points in our lives, and it is a hollow proposition.

Comparison is a game you will always lose.

I enjoyed a long, fruitful ministry at the same congregation and watched my church grow from a few handfuls of members to become large enough to be in the 96th percentile of all churches in America. That statistic seems impressive if that sort of thing is important to you. However, during certain seasons, our results were never enough for me.

How did I know our growth was not adequate? I compared myself to friends whose congregations were larger, and it always led me down a dead-end street. Is that not dumb? I assure you it is, but I did it anyway. For some reason, I allowed my value as a pastor to be determined by the numbers appearing on our weekly dashboard spreadsheet.

I am unsure how I acquired this habit except that I was a visionary, hard-driving leader and sometimes all I could see was “more.” More just happened to be what I experienced through conference presenters and friendships with mega-church pastors. Frittering away time and energy exercising these mental gymnastics never brought one more unchurched person through our doors, and I am confident my Leader was not impressed or pleased.

I have yet to find Scripture to confirm that God measures anything by size since He is so “huge” that nothing can come close to comparing. His metrics are faith and faithfulness.

This subject was only one of several ways I occasionally walked into this trap and then had to spend an equal amount of mental energy trying to get untangled. Meanwhile, quality thinking that would serve the ministry or some other effort was put on the shelf until I once again worked my way free.

I’m leveling with you on this subject because I’ve witnessed so many who put themselves through the same discouraging exercises in a myriad of ways. Do you ever find yourself playing the comparison game? If so, I have one piece of advice – stop it

Here is why:

·      Comparing yourself to others is an insult to your Maker. God knows exactly who and what He designed you to be and become and does not have you rated on a scale with your neighbor. The Almighty fearfully and wonderfully made you your unique self, and He has no interest in stacking your accomplishments up against His other fearfully and wonderfully made children. Just enjoy yourself!

·      Whatever time you spend playing this game could be spent developing what matters to you. I once again enjoy playing the guitar, something I’ve done since my college days. I used to play in our church band alongside my guitar mentor and close friend Mike. Mike is a gifted, session-level picker who also practices countless hours, which was more than I ever wanted to give. I sometimes compared my lame skills to his and whined to myself about my lacking ability. My desire to become a more proficient player would have been far more enhanced by taking comparison time to practice instead. Now, I don’t compare my playing with anyone; I just enjoy the art, which leads to the next point.

·      Comparing yourself to others will deprive you of joy. This ineffectual practice produces no pleasure as it uses elusive metrics. Joy cannot be measured, yet it is one of the most precious commodities you can possess. Gratitude is an essential character trait one can possess concerning God and participating in this game makes you ungrateful for who you are and what you have. Contentment is a pearl of great price.

Having examined this game’s downside, let’s look at some tips that help us to put the contest back into the box.

·      Appreciate, enjoy, and cultivate your own victories. Joshua Becker gives sage advice in an article in Becoming Minimalist, “See your own successes. Whether you are a writer, musician, doctor, landscaper, mother, or student, you have a unique perspective backed by unique experiences and unique gifts. You have the capacity to love, serve, and contribute. You have everything you need to accomplish good in your little section of the world. With that opportunity squarely in front of you, become intimately aware of your past successes. And find motivation in them to pursue more.”

·      Life is not a competition; we will all end up in the same place on entirely equal footing – or should I say grounding. I have a little sign in my kitchen that humorously states: “Relax, we’re all crazy. It’s not a competition!” The mortality rate is 100%, showing no favoritism to anyone of any stature.

·      Take a break from social media regularly and wisely filter information gleaned from these sites. Numerous studies reveal how sustained imbibing Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., assaults our confidence and contentment. The very nature of social media incites people and organizations to present their “best” selves and most uplifting moments. Conversely, many users vomit a ceaseless flow of negative news and opinions not useful for building a healthy self-image. Perhaps a helpful motto in this regard is “Not Today.”

·      Remember that what we can view in someone’s real life is not available to us. What appears as successful is often a façade for what goes on behind closed doors.

·      When we fall into the comparison trap, we also learn to compare ourselves to those we consider less successful. This exercise serves as a defense mechanism to battle insecurity from idolizing those we think are more successful. Again, our achievement metrics are out of whack when we practice this activity and we end up judging ourselves and others by invalid measures.

I hired a professional coach some years ago to help me become a more effective leader. My coach had been a mega-church pastor who enjoyed seeing his fledgling church grow very large. One summer, he vacationed with his family and returned to what amounted to a coup in his leadership, and he was suddenly without a job.

During our long conversations, he began to sense that I wanted our church to grow very large. In forceful but compassionate tones, he intensely inquired about my desire. “Why do you want to pastor a mega-church?” He asked me several times, enough to make me take pause and think deeply. At the end of one pregnant silence, he said, “Don, you have no idea what you are asking. It is not what you think. Enjoy what you have. You are doing very well. You already possess in abundant measure the most important things in life.”

Well, there was a little dose of reality! I learned a lesson that day, more important than all the other good things this person taught me. His advice served me well.

Comparison is a losing game. Stop it!

Live Inspired!

Don Mark